Well, I'm back in the hot seat at Gambling HQ today, though I must say it's a bit of a struggle as I'm not quite on form yet, but in a way I'm glad I came in today as there is just soooo much shit that needs to be done! Yes, it's nice to feel needed, but after briefly scanning all of my emails to see what's been happening and having a quick catch-up session with my team about what's NOT been happening, I was a bit frustrated to say the least...
Anyway, whilst briefly going online last night to check on something my colleague sent through, I was rudely interrupted by my brother-in-law from the UK on Skype, so I answered the call and since there's no animosity between us (well, there wasn't) it all started off rather friendly.
However, after being told on several occasions that I was merely being stubborn and was merely in an angry place, but to give it a few months for STBEH to prove that he has changed, because apparently he has now finally learnt his lesson and is a changed man. What a load of BOLLOCKS!!!
Oh and I shouldn't forget that I need to think of the kids and do what's right for them! Like I would put my kids in a bad position?!?!?! What dearest brother-in-law doesn't know is that he has just angered me even more and made me want to get this over and done with even quicker than before.
But, wait for it, there's a game plan. The idea is that he should be nice to me, give me lots of space and show me how extremely wonderful he is not only to me, but also with the kids so as to soften me up and change my mind over time. Yes, honestly, now it's all making sense. I've almost had more gifts from him in the last few weeks than I've had throughout our entire time together! He wanted to massage my feet the other night. I almost died!
So, this has brought me to the question of what will I do if STBEH doesn't want to agree to the divorce?? I suppose this is always a possibility and I shouldn't disregard it. Considering we're sleeping in separate bedrooms and effectively living separate lives, does it mean we're separated? And what if I meet someone interesting in the meantime and one thing leads to another (as they do), will it be wrong? A girl has needs, you know!
Many questions, please feel free to give me your honest opinions on these matters below (you don't need to be registered).
The pain... and I'm not referring to my aching chest this time!
Madge
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Hi Madge,
ReplyDeleteI love you rblog, as painful as it must be to write about getting divorced. It does make me laugh, so thanks.
Re your brother in law - my take on it that he has to try for his brother's sake, or he wouldn't be a good brother to STBEH. That way, you can think of the skype call as nothing to do with you, but his supportive role for STBEH. Don't worry about it any more!
Re divorce... what do YOU want. List the pro's and con's relevant to you and see which list is longer. Then make one relevant to the kids too, and look at them. And then, once you've done that stupid exercise, rip up the pieces of paper and follow your heart :-). But at least you can then confidently say you've looked at it objectively. If you are having doubts, does that mean there is something holding you back from doing the 'chat'? If so, then you need to figure out what.
At the end of the day, 30000000zillion people can give you advice. But you are the best person to know what you want. If you want to be out of this completely, then get divorced. But don't do the 'separated' thing. Both you and STBEH will only be living a part-life, as you will both miss opportunites that could lead to happiness. Either you are in it 100%, or out of it.
Don;t rush it - he's there if you decide to change your mind. Take your time and make sure you are sure sure sure.
My essay is over, hope it helps (?maybe just a little :-) )
good luck
x