Merry Christmas

OK, it's been weeks since my last post and although I've by no means been short on news, I've just been either too busy, not had internet connection or simply didn't know where to start, so I'm taking Xmas as the guide for writing and saying howdy!

Firstly, merry Christmas to all of you out there. I hope you've all had an awesome day and that your tummies are full and your heads slightly spinning... Shit, maybe that only happens if you spend Christmas day lunching on a wine farm.

Anyway, a quick catchup for y'all:

London - Had a great time catching up with friends. Fortunately I missed the really cold weather and snow and overall had a good time. Unfortunately the trip was somewhat marred by the fact that I had the big move on my mind and was very worried about what I was going to come back to in terms of EH making matters difficult for me.

On top of that, SD had to travel back to the Middle East for work, which in turn left me to move both my stuff out of Wisteria Lane and his stuff into the new place, which I will now refer to as Winelands Place (It really does make sense if you know the address...).

So, got back on the Monday and moved on the same day and the following day too. It was totally crazy. In between I 'celebrated' my birthday, although I have to admit it wasn't exactly the best birthday I've ever had, but could've been much worse - I could've been in Wisteria Lane...

It took me a few days to move in and settle down and get back online and then on the Friday I was mad enough to host a braai for about 24 people!! Was nice though, albeit a bit manic.

The last few days have been a bit more chilled. I've been settling into the house a bit, putting things in their place and making it a home for us.

So, the kidlets are doing well. PC is a totally different child. Basically he's his old self again. Loving, kind, sweet, funny and cheeky! He'd become so very withdrawn over the past 2-3 months that it's wonderful seeing him as the boy I know.

MM is her usual self and I'm just pleased that this whole ordeal hasn't had too major an effect on her.

As for EH, there's been a lot of dramas in the past weeks and I just can't be bothered to share all, but you can be assured that he's most certainly going to be giving me a lot more material to write about if he carries on in the same manner as he has done up until now.

Phew, now I've broken the ice again, I'll be back with regular installments of TITL as life goes on.

Madge xx

My last night at Wisteria Lane

Wow, it's been a long stretch. Many months of dramas, heartache and whatever have you not. I've been officially divorced for almost two months and finally the time has come for me to leave Wisteria Lane.

I've said goodbye to my friends here, who I'll miss dearly. We even opened a bottle of bubbly this afternoon to toast the future. Of course, there are others here who I won't be missing one single bit, but I'm very excited about what the future holds.

Tomorrow is The Fiery One's birthday and she's taken the day off, so we're going out to lunch at one of the local wine farms. Then tomorrow evening it's off to London, which I believe is very cold and wet - surprise, surprise...

I'm looking forward to catching up with all of my friends and perhaps fitting in a spot of Xmas shopping along the way.

Then, as soon as I return back to SA at the end of next week, I move into the new house!! It's all very exciting, although I must admit that it's been really tough putting things aside and deciding what to take and what to leave in a way that's fair to both myself and EH.

He's obsessing about everything and is making me out to be taking everything and leaving him nothing, which is absolute nonsense. He's going out of his way to try and rile and upset me by making silly statements and aggressive comments, but then turning it around to say that I was the one who was being aggressive. Nob.

So, on that note, I reckon the next time I'll be writing from the UK, so I'll keep you posted on my little adventure.

In the spirit of my little trip, I thought I'd share this:
A Scotsman, an Englishman, and an Irishman were drinking together in McSorley's Bar in New York City and having a great St. Patrick's Day.

"Y'know", said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink for you."

"Well", said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two!"

"Ahhhrr, that's nothing", said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs to see that you get laid. All on the House."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims but he swears every word is true.

"Wow!" said the Englishman, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no" said the Irishman, "But it did happen to me Sister.”

Madge

Taking strain

I'm back at Wisteria Lane for my last little stretch until I move on to better things. Only four more nights here until I depart for a week long trip to London, which I'm very excited about. I've got a fantastic time lined up, meeting up with friends and simply can't wait!

I had a fabulous weekend with SD and Miss T (his daughter). It was fairly busy, yet in a chilled way. Stayed in on Friday night and watched the movie, Bruno. Ummm... interesting...

On Saturday we went to the beach for a bit, visited Mom and I accompanied a friend to a Hawaiian party in the evening.

Today was very relaxed. Went to the gym for a swim, dropped by the annual Toy Run festivities at Maynardville where there were thousands of bikers and I'm sure that many children will get some lovely presents this Xmas thanks to everyone who participated and donated on this day. Finally we had a lovely lunch at Bloemendal Wynhuis before returning to WL.

Even though I always tend to get a little tense come late Sunday afternoons as I know that the time approaches to head back for another week of "What could happen next?", today was somewhat different as it was the last time.

I got back and the kids weren't home. I really missed them all weekend and was a little disappointed, but it's ok, I just unpacked my things and they got home soon enough. It then emerged that they'd spent the afternoon with people I'd befriended through PC's previous play school. I'd often made the effort to ring them up and keep in touch with this particular couple, but I recently had a suspicion that EH had contacted them (most likely because the husband was a potential work contact).

I don't have a problem with EH contacting them, but what I do have a problem with is what he's been saying. Obviously his favorite little 'affair' rumor would be one issue, but I can't help but think that much more has been said for them to have the reaction that they've had.

Last weekend I saw this couple at a kids party and they were VERY distant. Previously the woman was very friendly with me and we got on very well. That weekend it practically pained her to even greet me and I was avoided like the plague for the duration of the party. I soon caught on and when SD reported getting sideways glances from her it pissed me off somewhat.

As I said, I don't mind who EH befriends, but what annoys me is that he's obviously saying pretty nasty stuff about me to make someone turn so harshly, so knowing that they'd all spent the afternoon together really ticked me off.

Fortunately for me, I've got no shortage of friends and even more fortunate, they weren't close. In a way I'm glad EH is making the effort to make friends, in particular with people who've got small kids, so he's at least getting out and socialising in an environment that's fun for my kids too, I simply just don't appreciate his nasty lies to these (and other) people. Mind you, if they want to believe these lies, then I suppose that says a lot about them too!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a busy week. I need to sort through the final split of stuff and get that finalised for packing, on Tuesday I've got a busy day researching my next story for the online wine mag and in the evening I'm attending and reporting on a photo shoot for an annual photo competition called Wine Laid Bare. Check out their Facebook page here. This is the promotional shoot for their 2010 campaign and it's most certainly going to be an interesting evening, so I'm really looking forward to it and it's all in aid of Breast Cancer, so I'll keep you all up to date with this one as it develops.

Then on Thursday I'm off to the Big Smoke for a week! Yay! So, without any further ado, have a good one.

Madge

Should I or shouldn't I?

This time it' not about me, but rather others out there who are in a similar position as to the one I was in about a year ago. There are some people who I've had contact with in the last couple of weeks who are in crappy marriages.

Loveless, disrespectful, sexless and abusive unions where one or the other party is too scared to move on due to various reasons. One not wanting to give up the perfect family, the perfect home in the perfect village, except she's so deeply unhappy and has decided that retail therapy would be money better spent than wasting it on unsuccessful visits to a marriage counselor (which has already run into over a 5-figure sum in R's).

The other where the wife is so insanely jealous of her husband, constantly accusing him of having an affair and picking on him for whatever reason she can find. He, on the other hand, simply can't bear the thought of being 'alone' again.

A third whose husband is ruled by the bottle and every now and again gets a smack along with the regular emotional abuse of being told how fat, ugly, useless and what a waste of space she is. Again, the 'perfect' life, driving a german sedan, a large house and exotic holidays taking precedence over the fact that she's half the person she used to be, lacks confidence and is in an emotional rut.

There are countless people out there in similar positions to these people. Men and women trapped in unhappy relationships, who simply can't face taking the step of ending things.

I know that these people read TITL and though I hope you're not upset about my using you as examples, I just want to say to all of you that I know how you feel. I was once there before. Deciding to leave a life-partner isn't an easy one. For some of us it's simply not an option. Please just know that there will always be people around you who will support you, whatever your decision. Keep your friends and family close and if you decide to stay, then do it for the RIGHT reasons.

If you've got kids, do what's right for them AND for you, because they will soon grow up, leave the house and then you're stuck, having potentially wasted the best years of your life. Also remember that a happy parent and healthy home atmosphere, makes for happy children.

It is also a known fact that it gets harder and harder to leave someone the older you get. Financially you get very settled and one's confidence to go out on the dating scene starts to wane with age.

I'm not saying these marriages can't be saved. I'm all for saving something if there's a chance of things working out.

In short, all I want to say is that I'm thinking of you and hope that everything works out for you all. Stay strong.

Madge

The small stuff

So, I broached the subject to EH with regards to splitting all of the smaller household items such as crockery, towels, etc. He said to me: "I hope you're going to be fair with this stuff." WTF?!?!?!

Those who know will tell you that I've been incredibly fair with everything from the divorce settlement to the large furniture and appliances and car. When I pointed this out to him he basically snorted at me.

Then he said that he will be ordering a new mirror with exactly the same dimensions as the one I'd had made for the main bedroom three years ago. This is a beautiful large mirror in a custom made frame and the only thing I requested from the main bedroom. I asked him why he doesn't just give me the old one and order his own new version. His reply? "I just want to keep one room complete and not have it devastated due to your antics."

Oh FFS, my antics?! Wake up and take some responsibility for what happened, you nob. It's starting to sink in that this man will forever blame me and the so-called 'affair' I had months after I initiated this divorce. Like with his first marriage, he will tell all the people around him that I had an affair, conveniently omitting the fact that I'd already started divorce proceedings before I went into anything and therefore I will always be the bitch.

For this reason, he will always feel sorry for himself. Now I realise that he is a typical case of someone with "Poor-little-old-me-syndrome". Someone who fucks up time upon time, but doesn't see that it was their own fuck-up, so instead blames the other people involved.

"I was fired and I don't understand why. They must have been jealous." or "She had affairs, even while we were engaged. She said that she wanted to buy a horse with this man." (the ex-ex-wife) and what about "Why does everyone always try to take me for a ride. Even my own brothers shafting me out of a business." I wonder why???

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking responsibility for your actions, or lack of! What pisses me off is that I still have these moments when I feel sorry for him. There are still times when I cry for what could have been or just in general get upset because of all the hurt of the past year. Get a grip, Madge! You're better off without him!

Madge

Getting things done

I'm now counting down my days at Wisteria Lane and with only 9 sleeps until I'm out, it's both exciting and very sad. I first have a little trip to London planned for a week (leaving on the 3rd of December) and then moving into the new place upon my return.

The past weekend was really lovely. The new BF, hereafter referred to as SD (Saturation Diver), got back from his last job last week and we spent the weekend together along with my kids and his lovely daughter and it was really nice.

This week I'm sorting out a lot of stuff for the move. Going through what I'm going to take and what I'm going to leave. It's all a bit tedious as it's not as simple as just packing everything up from one end to the other. Obviously I'll be leaving some toys for the kids to play with when they're visiting EH and it's things like splitting crockery, etc.

Anyway, I need to get on with things, so ta-ra!

Madge

The airport

I had to make a couple of trips to the airport this week and at one point, while sitting there having a coffee, I was struck by a memory.

A memory of all of the times I drove EH to the airport when he travelled to the UK for work. I remembered the sadness I felt on the times when I dropped him off, not knowing when I'd be seeing him again, but also knowing that this was what had to be done.

I knew it wasn't easy for him. Leaving his home, his kids, his wife.

I remembered the times when I was so excited to pick him up. To see him again, for him to see his kids.

I also remembered the last time I dropped him off at the airport. On the 24th of January this year. I remember driving there and knowing in the back of my mind that things would never be the same again. I wasn't sad to say goodbye. Instead, I was relieved that he was leaving.

Relieved that I could have some peace. Some space to get my head around what was lying ahead of me. To finally make up my mind about what I wanted and needed to do with my life. I knew it was over.

I'm actually sitting here and crying as I type this. I still have moments when I'm so overwhelmed by sadness at what has happened. And the memories that returned to me this week at the airport have reminded me yet again of what was and what could have been if only he'd tried. But I wasn't worth it...

Madge

Go lurgy, go!

This stupid coldy fluiness seems to finally be going although I still sound pretty yuk. The sun is shining and actually, life isn't quite that bad!

Actually there's something I'd like to note. I know I've been airing a lot of dirty washing on here and it can seem like a very one-sided story, however it's worth mentioning that there is so much that goes unsaid on here. Lots of shit that happens that I can't add because of what it could implicate in turn.

It might also look as if I'm constantly critisizing EH for his behaviour and things he does or says, but please also know that the same is happening from his side. Even though he's not expressing his thoughts and feelings in blog format, he's happily telling all and sundry his side (albeit a very skewed version). These stories have a way of making it back to me and I am well aware of his opinions of what I get up to on my weekends away or my notorious 'affair'.

So, now I've cleared that one up, I thought it worth sharing a funny:

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc?...I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin, in every way".

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts.

She says, "You're the first... no one has EVER touched these."

He immediately drops his pants and replies…

Look at this,...still in the CRATE!"

Madge

Now it's groceries!

I was happily minding my own business, when the voice of gloom (EH) comes from the kitchen: "It's your turn to buy groceries". It would seem that he missed the full fridge last week. He'd never notice all of the washing powder, bleach, cleaning goodies and the nappies I bought that was on his list from three weeks ago, that he very conveniently forgot to buy along with a couple of other more expensive items or any other everyday items such as meat and veg...

The deal is we take turns to buy groceries. I gave him a list three weeks ago, which he only got round to buying the following weekend without checking what additional items might have been added to a new list on the fridge in the five days since he was given a list.

So, last week was my turn again and I went out and bought all of the things on the list (now 2 weeks old) along with other extras. I had to buy nappies along the way too as we'd run out.

The more I kept telling this idiot that it was in fact his turn, the more he insisted it was mine! I honestly cannot believe his insolent and abhorrent behaviour... Mind you, actually I can.

To make matters worse, I find out from a neighbor that Prince Charming knocked on their door yesterday at roughly 10:00 - this on a Sunday morning. They don't have a problem with PC playing there as they enjoy him a lot and he's no trouble, however, it turns out that he was left to play there for the ENTIRE day and only went home after 17:00 when they asked him to. At no stage during this day did EH pop over to check that PC was indeed there still, that he was ok, that they were ok having him all of this time or even to come home for lunch! He obviously just accepted that these people would feed and water his child.

And then I'm the one being told I'm a bad mother. I'm the one who gets slagged off left right and centre because I apparently only party all the time and have affairs. Thankfully I'm not going to be in this house for much longer and neither are my children. Unfortunately for now I have to hand my children over to this man every second weekend, but I'm quite grateful for this kind of behaviour as he's practically handing me the sole custody on a silver platter! Mind you, maybe that's what he wants. Your wish is my command!

Madge

Winds of change

It seems like the sun is finally back in Cape Town, although with it has come the usual winds that I've grown used to expecting around this time of year. The traditional south-easterly wind that's also known as the Cape Doctor, because it blows all of the pollution away, can also please blow all of the negativity away in my life.

This week should be a good and busy one if I can just get over this nasty cold I picked up. I was sick as a dog all weekend long. Had a lovely evening with one of my girlfriends who's also currently dealing with a divorce and went to a very chilled 40th birthday dinner too although I wasn't exactly feeling on top form whatsoever.

Went to the movies yesterday with Mom as she had a show house on, so we saw The Ugly Truth and had a really good chuckle. I've never really been a fan of Katherine Heigl, but I thought she was really good in this film and she reminds me of Charlize Theron, who is my favorite actress.

Katherine Heigl

The stunning South African bombshell, Charlise Theron

The movie highlights what men want from their dates and vice versa and shows Heigl almost changing her personality to catch Mr. Right. Compromise is one thing, but changing who you are is such a big mistake that so many people make when they first start dating as they try to be someone who they're not, only to make the other person like them.

Firstly it will never last and secondly, why would you want someone to like you for who you aren't? If they can't like you for who you are then simply accept it's not to be and move on. We're all different, have different traits and ideas about life and even though nobody's perfect and there will probably always be something that mildly irritates you about a partner, it's unfair and unrealistic to accept them to change, just as it is of them to expect that of you.

It's a matter of either accepting someone and loving them for who they are or calling it a day and moving on to someone who shares your sense of humor, enjoys what you do and views life issues in a similar light.

Don't ever change who you are for anybody. Just be yourself and the right person will come along to boost and enhance you for who you are.

Madge

Another week closer to moving out

Well, fortunately this week has been rather uneventful on the EH front, although not without it's stresses. I've had a little argument with TFO, which is never nice, but she was way out of order with what she said to me, so not good.

EH also finally sent me signed agreements with regards to the car which he's buying me out of and all of the furniture and appliances we're splitting.

I've also got something very exciting to look forward to for early next week, so things seem to be looking up.

Until then, however I'm going to have to sit tight. I was slightly upset this morning when I got a phone call from someone voicing their concern about PC. Not that he's been difficult or naughty, but that he's become very introverted and isn't his usual bubbly, happy self.

I know this is true. He has withdrawn quite a lot with other people and it's really sad to see. All I can hope for is that he will revert back to his old self once we're in our new home without any atmospheres and dramas. It is inevitable that he would sense what is going on and even though there haven't been any major dramas in the house for a couple of weeks, the atmosphere can be sliced it's so thick.

Anyway, not long now.

As you know, I'm a HUGE fan of the American talent show, So You Think You Can Dance and have previously posted a clip here of a dance on addiction. This week's episode had yet another amazingly moving number, this time danced by Adé and Melissa and choreographed by Tyce Diorio. The story this time is about a woman's struggle with breast cancer. All of the judges were in tears and most of the audience. Needless to say, so was I. An amazingly moving piece and fantastic interpretation.



In recent weeks I've learnt of two people who I know, to be afflicted with this disease. One has already had her operation to have a lump removed last week and the other is due to go in on Monday for her full mastectomy.

To both of these brave ladies all I want to say is stay strong. There are people who love and support you and we are all right behind you with your fight and won't ever drop our weapons. I have sent up special prayers for you both. It certainly makes one realise that what you've got isn't quite that bad after all.

Nudity

People have varying opinions on nudity and their bodies. It's funny, just this morning we were talking about it at my yoga class and were saying that there are apparently people who do nude yoga classes. Personally I can't imagine that as I'd be laughing so much and even more so, would in no way get into some of the positions in the nude in front of complete strangers.

My opinion on nudity is that it's the most natural form for a human being to be in. We've all got jiggly bits (some more than others) and we've all got the same parts of anatomy.

At home I'm very comfortable walking around naked in front of my kids and will continue to do so until one day one of them gets uncomfortable with it, at which point I'll respect that.

I think what's most important is to not have a stigma about our bodies and more specifically, to give our kids body image issues. More and more we hear about little girls aged 9, 10, 11, who are dieting and even becoming anorexic, because of the pressures that society put on us to be physically perfect.

Also, there's the issue of not feeling confident in your own skin. This can also be passed on to kids.

Anyway, what brought this whole subject about is a story I've been asked to write for an annual photo competition. They're doing their promotional shoot and the organiser has asked whether I'd write the story, but also whether I'd like to be part of the whole event.

It's going to be held at a very secluded restaurant and the whole idea is for it to be in the style of Calendar Girls, where certain body parts are obscured by tables, wine bottles and glasses, menus, flowers, etc.


I think this is going to be such a larff! Logistically it could be a nightmare as it would seem there are going to be roughly 30 people in this shoot, but I'm sure it could be stunning if it is done well.

Some may frown upon this and others, like me, will see the potential fun that could be had (and no, I'm not referring to any dodgy orgies or anything sinister like that), wining and dining at one of the top restaurants in the country 'au naturel'. All of the people involved will have been vetted and are professionals who have a little bit of an exciting and daring side to them.

I'll let you know how it went.

Madge

What's in the stars

I've always had a mild fascination in the stars and signs of the zodiac and I've always been convinced that there are certain genuine character traits within each of the twelve signs that are absolutely true to the person that is being represented.

Except for those who are born on the cusp of a sign - within 2 days of the change of a sign and can represent a mixture of both signs, I also realise that there are further differentiating factors within each sign depending on the actual birth date and what the ruling planet is at that time.

Coming out of a marriage and now moving into a new relationship, it's made me turn to the stars for some guidance.

As born sagittarius, I've researched my character traits according to the stars and I must say, I'm a classic case sag and very proud of it.

The problem I'm having at this point is whether there's much truth in the zodiac compatibilities of the various star signs. Some signs are more compatible than others, i.e. Sagittarius being a fire sign is said to be most compatible with Leo and Aries (also fire signs).

I know one shouldn't base any major decision making on this kind of thing, but I also know that EH's sign and the sag aren't particularly compatible on a marital level, but is said to be great for friendship and I tend to agree with this. Over and above the issues we've had over the past few months, I've always said that I'm sure we could still be friends. Unfortunately now I'm not sure that would be possible any more given the extent of the situation, but then I've also learned that the saying "Never say never" is very relevant.

I'd love to hear some of your opinions on this matter in the comments section.

Madge

Flutterbyes and relaxation

I got home a little while ago from what was a really nice and relaxing weekend on The Farm. I drove out there on Friday early evening. Unfortunately shortly after arriving there, I had a phone call from EH, demanding to know where I was. My reply? "Well, you've got a tracking device, why don't you use it?!"

I was only told that I was being silly and stupid and a whole host of other things... As I pointed out though, I've been going away EVERY weekend for the past four months, it's not new, it's not unusual and he should be used to it by now. Furthermore, what I do is none of his business. Whatever!

On Saturday morning The Fiery One and Rabbit left for their wedding and Mom joined me. We went to the Windmeul farmers market, which was nice and then mosied around a bit at Paarl Mall, but the kids were tired and miserable, so we headed home and all ended up having a nice little afternoon snooze.

Today I took the kidlets to Butterfly World and we had a ball. There are all kinds of creatures there over and above the butterflies and the funniest part was when one of the little marmoisettes jumped on me from behind and I let out a loud yelp to the tune of, "OH, FUCK!". Let's just say, I don't think the other parents were too pleased... Oops!

Anyway, back at the farm TFO and Rabbit had returned and we just chilled out.

Now, it's back to reality and life at Wisteria Lane. Let's see what this week holds in store.

Madge

PS: Have I mentioned that I'm moving out?

TFI Friday

Phew! Another week is gone and I must say it's been an eventful one. This weekend should be chilled. I'm going to The Farm with the kidlets, which should be nice. The Fiery one and Rabbit are going to a wedding in the Elgin valley and have asked me to babysit their kids, the pugs, Mugg and Bean and their ridgeback, Mocha.

Mom's also going to be joining us. We'll probably go to the Windmeul market tomorrow, which has been advertised widely and might just explore some of the local Paarl wineries.

It's a pity the weather forecast for the weekend is a bit grim, but we'll make the most of it none-the-less.

Got this recently from Mister Mutual and like the thinking. It's quite old, but still one of the best advertising wars I've seen -

1. BMW ran this campaign:


2. See Audi's reply:


3. Subaru feel urged to say something:


4. However Bentley's Chairman had the last word:


Have a great weekend!

Madge

The Irish

Sorry, this one's too good not to share:

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!"

"I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of dem, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

Whaaaaaahahahaha!

Madge

The best time of day

I'd realised this before, but for some reason it was very poignant yesterday that my favorite time of day is around 7:30 in the morning when I hear EH start up the car to go to work. It's as if a wave of relief sweeps over me because I know there shouldn't be any more confrontation at least until he gets back this evening.

By around 16:30 in the afternoon though, I feel myself tensing up again, wondering what the evening has in store. I have however found a coping mechanism, which I'm hoping will serve me well over the next few weeks. I act as if he's not even here. I don't make eye contact and don't talk to him. Let's see how that works.

On Monday I applied for an interdict (personal protection/restraining order) against him. The fact that he'd admitted to tracking me, him stalking and subsequently harassing me seemed to be ample reason for the judge to grant the application. I just don't understand why he's doing this now. We're divorced! It just makes one wonder what the thinking is behind it all...

Anyway, I saw this clip and simply had to share it, because we've all been in a similar situation, I'm sure.

Pure genius!

Madge

I need some light entertainment

I've had a crappy day, but ended up with some good results in the end, so I suppose it's not so bad after all. Thought I'd share this funny as it made me smile today and to be honest, there hasn't been a lot to smile about...

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.'Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?Lemonade? Iced tea?'

'Iced tea, please,' Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.

'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach...'

'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mom informed him.

'Really?' Fred replied; eyebrows rose.

'Oh yes,' the mother continued. 'When she goes out with her friends,that's all they do!'

'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous. 'Yes,' said the mother. 'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'

'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mom!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. 'The fV@king dance is called the Twist!

Madge

Fighting fire with fire

Wow, well, I've had a rather eventful weekend and a subsequently busy Monday. It turns out that EH has now reverted to stalking and harassing me. He's admitted to actually tracking my movements by GPS and I'm still trying to find out whether he's actually tracking my phone or car. He's also taking photos of my movements too.

On Saturday morning he turned up at a friend's house with the kids in tow, sending me a bunch of sms's saying that the kids want to see me etc. and buzzing on the door bell incessantly.

I really think this is bordering on obsessive behaviour and am genuinely concerned at the fact that he's actually dragging the kids along on his little missions and using them. What do you think he's telling them???

I'm very worried about the lengths this man will go to and what he's capable of. Surely the fact that we are now divorced means that my movements have absolutely nothing to do with him? Surely it's illegal to stalk and harass someone and fit a tracking device without their knowledge or consent?

So, I'm now fighting fire with fire. I have to deal with this matter as I can't help but wonder what his next move will be and looking at his history over the past seven months it's not exactly getting any better. Quite the contrary.

Madge

Gravity

I absolutely love this show called So You Think You Can Dance and am watching the 2009 competition at the moment. These dancers are absolutely amazing. Every week they need to do a different dance in a different genre, mostly out of their specific area of training and have 5 and a half hours to spend with choreographers to learn a new routine for the next show.

Anyway, check out this clip of a contemporary dance by Kayla and Kupono, choreographed by Mia Michaels, who is one of the top (if not THE top) choreographers in the world. The song, Gravity by Sara Bareilles is so stunningly beautiful.


Gives you goosebumps! The emotion is phenomenal.

Madge

Tantrums from adults

I was invited to one of my neighbors' work function last night. It was themed Octoberfest and was good fun with eisbein, bratwurst, pretzels, some dodgy German music and even authentic Paulaner beer in kegs.

I must admit, I didn't think it was going to be as late as it was, but it was so much fun and after the week I've had, I really needed to let my hair down somewhat.

But what really shocked me was seeing how a successful, intelligent man who must be in his 50's, throw a tantrum over a game of pool! Everyone was having a good time. People were joking around, doing silly things to distract the person who was shooting, but when it was done to him he just totally lost it!

He threw such a strop, if it were a strop-contest between him and either of my kids, he'd win first prize hands down. Hell, I think he'd put most kids to shame!

Anyway, I'm off again to Mom's for the weekend. The weather forecast is beautiful, so I reckon a little trip to the beach will be in order...

Madge

Numbness sets in

Well, after phoning the mediator yesterday, she contacted EH and apparently he'd told her that he thinks we can sort this out between each other, so her services weren't needed. So, last night EH came to me to have a 'discussion'.

He said he'd been to see both schools in question (I don't actually believe that looking at a website or phoning them is equal to actually visiting the school, talking to teachers, seeing the setup and discussing what they offer) and that he still felt the kids would be fine in the state school. My point was that the state school would indeed be fine, but why send your kids to second best?

Ultimately it came down to his ego and the financial side of things. It kept coming back to that EVERY TIME. I said that if he has any info that would make me believe that the state school would be the better form of education, giving them that one-to-one attention and offers a similar level of services I'd be happy to reconsider.

Then things got nasty, I was again called a host of different names and told amongst other that I was emotionally unstable and that there was something wrong with me because of the way I've been acting. So, leaving your husband to give yourself and your children constitutes being fucked up in the head now? I think it's more a case of STAYING with the bastard that would make one be messed up!

Also, his new favorite phrase of me having an affair and that being the cause of our marriage breaking up was brought up. I reminded him ONCE MORE that our marriage was over in January, that I met this person months after this and even months after that only did I proceed to take things further. I had previously decided that, if he brought it up again, I would have a relevant comeback, which I used rather effectively last night.

So, after all of his shouting, swearing and abusive behaviour, some of which, yet again in front of PC (when I pointed out that he should please stop shouting and swearing at me in front of the child he just proceeded to repeat what he'd just said just to make sure that PC heard what a 'stupid, arrogant bitch' his mom is). Nice!

Now, back to the mediator we go, although I must say I'm totally numb. I'm just so tired and worn out from all of the fighting. I have my moments where I think that I should just relent and let the kids go to the state school, but then I realise that I simply have to fight for them. It's for their future and even if the mediation turns into facilitation and it goes against me, I'll know that I did all I could for my kids, which is what it's all about at the end of the day.

I'd also just like to mention how proud I am of myself for not once raising my voice to him or swearing at him. I swore, but it was never directed at him, more a matter of "Oh for fuck-sake!". Pat-pat...

Madge

Raging storms

The Cape has been rather stormy over the last couple of days with reports that Sunday night's storm was in fact classified as a hurricane and yesterday afternoon it was haeling balls half the size of golf balls. I almost thought I was somewhere in the highveld!

I think my situation at Wisteria Lane is similar, however it would seem that we're in the eye of the storm.

The atmosphere is as tense as anything and we haven't exchanged a SINGLE WORD since last Friday, however I'm convinced that the storm will pick up again once the mediator gets involved and the winds will pick up again.

I recently got this little piece from The Headhunter and really want to share it as I found it so relevant:

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter..

'Don't forget your sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'

'Remember that 'sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and al l your other women relatives too....... 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'

What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her mother. She kept contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her mother really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of her life..

This story continues about women always being there to support each other, but I'd like to take this a little further and include ALL friends. Real friends. Always surround yourself with people who have your best interests in life at hand as these are the people who will be there to support and bless your life when you most need it.

Thanks to all my 'sisters' who've been there for me during all this time. You know who you are!

Madge

Another week, another fight

I had such a lovely weekend. The kids and I stayed with Mom. We went to the beach on Saturday afternoon, had milkshakes at Spur and generally just had a lot of fun. On Sunday it was Mom's birthday and we all packed up off to The Farm. Mom had invited some of her friends and we had a lovely braai. The kids were playing in the pool for most of the afternoon and were totally bushed by the time we drove home.

The weekend didn't start off on the best of notes though. I'd been looking at schools for Prince Charming and over the last couple of weeks it became an option to send him to one of the local private schools. An excellent school with a British programme. Small classes and individual attention is at the forefront and the most advanced teaching techniques.

I'd spoken to EH about this a week before and explained that I might be able to get PC a place at this school. His first comment was how I was going to afford it and I'd assured him that this was not a concern of his as it wouldn't impact on him financially at all. In our settlement it was agreed that he'd pay me a monthly maintenance for the kids and from that I would be paying any school fees.

The decision wasn't with regards to any financial aspect, but rather just which school would be best for the kids (PC at this stage).

I'd submitted an application form to this private school as they generally have long waiting lists, in the hope that PC might get a place in the Reception class for next year.

Anyway, on Friday morning I had a phone call from the head mistress of the school informing me that they can indeed offer PC a place for next year and that they will put this in writing to me next week.

I subsequently sent EH an email to this effect. Asking him to take a look at the options, thus being the private school versus the local state school. I asked him to consider the benefits to the children and then to get back to me with his opinion and why he felt one school was better than the other, but that I was really keen on the private school.

The reason why I sent him the email was that I knew we wouldn't be home for the rest of the weekend to discuss, but I told him I'd be happy to discuss it on Sunday night upon my return. It would give him time to think about it logically. BIG mistake!!

Shortly after sending the email, I get a phone call from EH. He was fuming!! He was so very angry about this and proceeded to swear and shout at me about it. Five times I had to put the phone down on him because he was ranting and raving so much and I refuse to have any such conversations. I don't mind having a calm and rational discussion.

In the end he was just saying that PC should go to the state school. I think what annoyed him was my reasoning for how I was going to afford this. Ultimately that's not the point though and surely it's about the kids, but unfortunately he let his bruised ego take over and as per usual, it's about HIM and not the kids.

So, this morning I'm having to involve a mediator to try and work this out as I feel very strongly about giving the kids this opportunity to a top-class education. The fact that this school works on the UK schooling system, they write GCSE's, AS and A-level exams, coupled with the fact that the kids both have British passports, means that they'll have the world at their feet one day. It's just a pity that EH is being so difficult and that I actually have to go this way.

And thus another week begins with another fight. Wish me luck!

Madge

Moving on

About three months ago I mentioned that I'd started dating again as it was obvious that EH was dragging his feet with the whole divorce process and I kept going out and meeting really nice guys and got fed up with turning them down when asked out to dinner or drinks.

So, I went on a few dates with a few guys and about two months ago I met a really special man. Someone who made me laugh, made me feel good about myself and seemed to tick most of the boxes.

I haven't mentioned him before as I haven't really felt the time was right, but as things seem to be getting more serious between us, I thought it worth a mention. Let's call him Mr. X, for arguments sake. To be honest, I don't want to go into too much detail about him at this stage (maybe not at any stage...), but all I'll say is watch this space.

He's met PC and MM and the kids love him and vice versa. Another big thing for me is the fact that he has a beautiful daughter of his own who he has sole custody of and he's done an outstanding job raising her so far. She is an absolute picture of who he is as a person and I must say she has had a lot to do with the relationship coming this far so soon.

I must admit, it has all happened a bit fast for my liking. I would've preferred to have been single for a while before taking on something more serious, but sometimes things happen and people come on your path that you don't anticipate and it's not a bad idea to just go with the flow, so that's exactly what I'll be doing with Mr. X. Anyway, watch this space.

Also, just to mention, the Service Manager from AAD Nissan Milnerton was supposed to come and see me at 9:30 this morning. It's now 10:00... Go figure!

Madge

Complaint to AAD Nissan Milnerton

Dear Sir,

I recently had my Navara serviced at AAD Nissan Milnerton and subsequently had the clutch and hydraulic steering pump replaced.

Firstly I’d like to start by commending the service of one of your service centre staff, Rxxx, who was always very helpful and friendly. The work was done quickly and I’m happy with the result.

However, now to the negative side of things. Last Friday when the Navara’s work had been completed I had a phone call at about 10:00 from Rxxx to tell me that the vehicle was in the wash bay. I made the EFT payment for the outstanding amount and Rxxx informed me that there was only one driver that day, but that they’d be happy to send this driver to pick me up so I could pick up my car.

I didn’t have a problem with this and asked him to inform me when the driver was coming over.
A little later, at about 12:20, Axxx called to tell me that the driver was leaving to come and pick me up. Then, about five minutes later, she called again to say that there was in fact someone else who is able to drive the Navara back. I was absolutely delighted as it would save me an immense amount of time and hassle!

Twenty minutes later, Axxx called again to say that the driver in the Navara had returned to the dealership because there wasn’t enough petrol in it. I find it odd, because the fuel gauge light hadn’t even come on yet when I dropped the vehicle off, so it could’ve only come on while he was driving it, which would’ve meant it would have had more than enough in it to get to me.

Alternatively, wouldn’t it have been simpler to just call me, tell me it was running low on fuel and I would’ve most likely said, put in R50 and I’ll reimburse it when the vehicle gets to me?!
So, I asked Axxx when I could expect the other driver. I would’ve thought that he’d be close by this time? It was now 12:50. Axxx rang me back to say that the driver was about 20 minutes away?! Fine.

Around 13:30 I get a phone call from the driver, Ixxx. He was shouting so loud that I couldn’t hear him. I asked him where he was and he was in such a fluster that he didn’t even know. I asked him to stop shouting at me as I would potentially be able to hear what he was saying. He apologised. The phone went dead.

Ten minutes later he still hadn’t rung back, so I called him. I worked out where he was – only 3 minutes away and explained to him that he had to cross the traffic lights, turn right after the police station, keep right where the road splits and carry on until he practically drives into the gates of my estate. Not exactly difficult!

Ten minutes later he’s still not here. I call him again. He doesn’t know where he is.
The next time I ring him he tells me he’s in front of my house. I go outside, he’s nowhere to be seen. Still on the phone I ask him outside which number he was. He said, number 11. I’m no.6… I take a look at number 11. Nothing there either.

Turns out he was at number 11 of the street in which my estate is located. By then I was getting rather agitated, putting it mildly. I pointed out to him that I lived on an estate as I’d told him at least twice before. Then he proceeded to tell me that the address on his sheet was incorrect. I doubted it. I then tried, YET AGAIN, to explain to this man how to get to my estate.

FINALLY he got here. It was 14:20 – three hours after the first phone call to inform me that a driver was on his way! By this time, I’m fuming from waiting around, my kids are getting tired as they’re used to taking an afternoon nap at this time of day and now I still have to drag them along for an hour-long road trip to pick up the Navara.

Once I was in the car with the driver I asked him to show me what address he’d had. Turns out it was the correct address, clearly stating that it was an estate.

Sir, I don’t want to sound difficult, but I would really have thought that this driver could read properly, given that he has a drivers license. I was totally disgusted and though he was very apologetic, I just don’t think it is in order to mess a client about for three hours who’s just spent R33,000 with Nissan (after being quoted approximately R28,000 for the job, but that’s another story!).

Surely these drivers get some kind of training. In all this time he only made one phone call to me and I had to call him SIX times until he eventually got to me. It was obvious he didn’t listen and couldn’t really give a stuff.

Also with the Navara not having enough fuel. Surely it would’ve been so easy to just call me or the dealership and get authorisation to put a small amount of fuel in? I’m totally gobsmacked by this treatment and am afraid I can’t recommend AAD Nissan Milnerton to anyone in future nor will I feel confident to take my vehicle there for any future services or repairs purely on the basis of bad customer care.

I trust you will look into this matter and deal with it accordingly.

Yours sincerely

Madge

Divorced yet the drama continues

Yes, believe it or not, it's still ongoing. Despite the fact that I'm legally no longer married to EH, he's still managing to make my life a living hell.

I had such a great day. Took it easy this morning, cooked lunch and then went out as it was so nice and sunny.

After EH asking me why I wasn't taking the kids with me to the beach (uuummmm... because' it's YOUR weekend. Take them yourself!), it would seem he had something better planned.

What, you may ask? Well, it would seem that I forgot to log out of my computer and he felt that it would be totally in order to go sniffing about my email accounts and whatever else he could put his dirty little paws on.

So, when I eventually got home and went online, I had emails from people telling me that it was really odd that I'd come online (Gmail chat and Facebook) yet wasn't replying to them in the chats, which is quite unlike me. So, after a little bit of inspection, I saw that someone had indeed been on my computer intermittently all afternoon.

When I eventually questioned him about it, all very calmly and in passing, simply asking whether he'd found what he'd been looking for on my computer, he stormed out of the room saying he hadn't been on it, at which point Prince Charming kindly pointed out that "Daddy was working on your 'contiputer' today"... Don't you just LOVE the innocence of a child?!

I just went, "Oh, really?!" and then later confronted EH with this again at which point he refused to talk to me. So, when I told him that he was lying to me I got the whole, "Well you've been having an affair and lying to me all this time..." lark. I suppose I should get used to it, because this is going to be his little 'woe is me' line from here onwards.

Anyway, I had a nice day. Went playing putt-putt (mini-golf) with some friends, which was a load of fun and for R12 it's an outing to keep in mind and then we went to Clifton beach.

Unfortunately when I got home, I had a little upset with Miss Muffet as she cried when she had a wee on the potty and then again later, while making a wee, she started crying hysterically. It's obvious that she has a bladder infection, so after a visit to the Emergency Room at the hospital, she's now on some antibiotics, which I'm hoping will kick in fast as she was very upset.

So, this week will hold it's own challenges in store and I'm sure there'll be more drama from EH as he's obviously incapable of moving on.

Madge

Have a stress-free weekend

And another week has passed. Boy-oh-boy, time seems to be racing. This week was surely an eventful and life-changing one with the divorce finally going through.

I'd like to take a moment to say a very happy birthday to The Writer for today. Hope you have a great day, buddy! Looking forward to tomorrow evening.

It looks like there's some fine weather coming our way for the weekend into next week albeit with wind. I'm hoping to get to the beach at some point.

I got sent this by The Fiery one recently and thought how appropriate it was to post on here, especially after the events of this week, so on this note I'll leave you to enjoy whatever it is you've planned:

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked 'How heavy is this glass of water?'

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it..

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'

He continued, 'And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. '

'As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.'

'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.'

'Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.'

So, my friend, put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Drive carefully.. It's not only cars that can be "Recalled" by their maker....

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well... Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live..

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have a stress free day…

Madge

Life goes on

It's been three days now as my new life in the single world and I think I'm coping ok. I must admit, I have my ups and downs, but overall I seem to be doing fine.

I've been staying with a neighbor's daughter for the past couple of evenings while he's on business and at least it gets me out of the house where there is still a significant atmosphere.

So, taken into account that I don't have much more to say at this stage, here's a little something to brighten up what is otherwise a rather rainy and mizzy day:



Madge

I'm finally a divorced woman

Yes, the long wait is at last over and now I can move on to an extent. The actual court proceedings went fine. I was, understandably, very nervous and quite distracted. The day itself didn't start off too well, because Miss Muffet accidentally put her little hand on the hot stove as Mom was making the kids porridge and was very shaken and upset by that. Poor little mite!

Then we were stuck in the most appalling traffic into town, but we got there on time and sitting in court, listening to all of the other cases before me, I soon gained my composure and when my turn finally came, it was merely a matter of answering the simple questions from my advocate as well as one from the judge himself and then it was all over.

I must admit, I fell to pieces somewhat when we left the court, but that is understandable to. Luckily I had my Mother and The Fiery One by my side to comfort me. Even though it is what I've been striving for over several months, it is not something I thought I'd ever have to do.

We went to a nice restaurant by the beach and The Hedge Fund Manager and The Posh Mommy joined us for a few bottles of bubbly and a good meal, which soon distracted me and made me feel much better.

So, here begins the rest of my life and I'm sure that there will be so many happy times. There will almost certainly be tough times in between, but that's ok too!

Thanks to everyone for your support over the past few months. I've decided to keep writing for now and keep you all up to date what's happening in my life from here.

Madge

T1 to D-day

Yes, tomorrow is the day and I must say I'm filled with very mixed emotions. Last night it kinda hit me that this was it and though I'll be very relieved when it's over, I know I'll also be filled with an absolute sadness.

So, this morning I'm going to Mom's house with the kids and we'll be staying there until Tuesday just so I have some support. I also don't really want to be around STBEH at this time to be honest. His attitude is bad enough on normal occasions with his complete disregard for me and the kids, I just don't think I'd be able to deal with it at this stage.

It's amazing how I've learnt to just bite my lip. Admittedly, I don't always shut up, but most of the time it's just not worth the aggro anymore.

So, this is it. I'll be back on Tuesday for the next update on things with what will then be EH, because let's face it, there's always going to be drama on that front.

On that note, I leave you as a married woman with this:

Madge

Three more sleeps until D-day

Yes, the time has almost come for the big D-day. Someone asked me what the first thing is that I'm going to do, so I said that I can't wait to change my relationship status on Facebook to single!

I went out for dinner last night with a good friend to De Oude Welgemoed and we had a lovely meal, shared a great bottle of De Grendel 2007 Merlot and had a good laugh about life and situations we're in. I had the most amazing salmon and avocado spring rolls to start with and a lamb curry main. Yum!

This morning, I had a very interesting chat with Prince Charming. He came into my room and the first thing he said to me was: "Mommy, Daddy said to me you are a big cow!". Nice! Very nice...

This can only be because he phoned me last night as I was driving and went on as he does. I explained to him that I couldn't talk as I was driving and he totally ignored me, I told him again that I had to go, but that still didn't have an effect, so I pressed the red button. Ironic though how it's ok if he does it to me, but boy oh boy, don't let him be on the receiving end.

Now I'm being slagged off to the kids. Interesting, me thinks. Luckily for me, my trusty Nokia N95 was close at hand and I asked PC to repeat what he'd just told me to the 5 mega pixel Carl Zeiss lens. I'm sure this would stand up pretty well in a custody hearing, should I decide to file for sole custody of the kids due to STBEH's appalling behaviour.

I can definitely see that I'm going to have a lot of grief from this man long after the whole divorce has been finalised. Wish me luck.

Moo!

Aaaaaaaaargh!!!

Just had to explain to STBEH why it isn't healthy for the kids to be taken out of their routine of sleeping in their own beds. He (obviously) disagreed, so I just told him to do whatever he likes.

Needless to say, Miss Muffet is now sleeping in his bed.

What an absolute arsehole!!!! Get me the fuck out of this place!

It's on days like these when I understand why substances like cyanide are banned!!! Every time I look at him, I see an image of a baseball bat shattering his puny scull. Nice thought.

M

And the shit goes on and on and on...

Another very long and wearing day for me. First I get an email from STBEH asking me to please not send him any negative emails, sms's or phone calls as he's embarked on a new 'venture' and wants to focus on that during the day and how much he respects me and all that kind of bullshit.

So, I basically told him that I would respect that, however, sometimes it will be necessary to deal with things that can't wait until the evening.

Last night he said that he'd returned all of the files and documents I'd asked for, however, this morning when I went through the stuff to make sure it was all there, much to my amazement, the important documents: birth certificates, children's passports, my UK naturalization certificate, marriage certificate, etc, etc. weren't there!

I sent him an email requesting that he return the documents by midday today and made it clear that if he didn't I would take further action. I then tried to ring him to confirm that he'd picked up the email - he avoided the call - and so I left a voice message.

At 12:00 there were still no documents, so I made one last phone call to him, which he answered only because I used a private number and when I asked him whether he'd read the email, he promptly hung up on me (this is someone who respects me?).

So, as promised, I went to the police and asked them to escort me to his office to try and retrieve these documents.

When we got to his office he freaked out, demanding to know why I brought them along. When I tried to explain that he kept disregarding my requests, he just proceeded to kick up a huge fuss. In the end he said that the documents weren't there, but at his dickhead friend's house.

Now, I don't want to be funny, but why remove these documents from our house in the first place? Reality is that I'm not the flight risk. He is. My family all live here, why would I take the kids out of the country?? He, on the other hand, would have a lot of reason to piss off with the kids in tow and here he is, removing their passports and all other important documentation from our safe.

So, I asked him to phone dickhead's wife who's at home and get her to take the documents out. He rang her, but only after a rather long conversation discussing just how childish I was being along with pathetic and silly and a load of other descriptions of what they thought of me, and EVENTUALLY, by the time the two police officers and I could've played a game of Scrabble, he got to the point.

Off to dickhead's house we all go, STBEH goes in and comes out with a handful of documents, of which only the kids' SA passports and not even their birth certificates. When I pointed out that their British passports were not there, he said that they were his kids too and he was going to hang onto it. Now, I don't want to be funny, but as primary caregiver to the kids, I am rightfully the keeper of these kinds of documents.

Anyway, the police officer explained that there was nothing that he could do about that, but that I should discuss it with my lawyer and take it from there, which will now be my next step tomorrow to take things forward.

And that was my rather eventful day. Add to this the fact that my nanny's son died yesterday and that she came to work totally distraught (understandably so)! I told her to go home and that she shouldn't have come in the first place, but she said that she wanted to keep busy. It really is sad, even though I never knew him, I can only imagine as a parent what it must be like to lose a child. She has lost 3!!! My prayers go to Rose.

Well, tomorrow is another day with it's own trials and tribulations no doubt. Now I just need a nice glass of wine and a good night's sleep. I can guarantee the wine...

Madge

I don't get it - still!

So, yesterday was STBEH's first day in his office and since he's out of the office/4th bedroom, I decided to move my little rig into it from the dining table. Six months ago when he returned from the UK to come and deal with the divorce he refused to move out of the main bedroom, so I moved out.

I put Prince Charming into the 4th bedroom and took his bedroom over, but he's always hankered after his old room, but unfortunately since the 4th bedroom doesn't have any wardrobes in, it didn't make sense for me from a logistical perspective.

Anyway, in the meantime there have been many fights and arguments at bedtime when PC would want to sleep in his daddy's bed, when I have ALWAYS insisted that the kids sleep in their own beds. It's a routine thing in part. So, I would say no, but STBEH would just say, "If he wants to sleep in my bed, he can". Systematically I just gave up, knowing that once I move out, I'll be able to re-establish the routine.

So, last night, PC was so excited about having his old room back again, he went to bed in there quite happily.

STBEH popped across the street to visit his dickhead friend and when he returned the kids were both in bed already, although it would seem that Miss Muffet wasn't quite asleep when he returned and since I was on a Skype call to The Photographer in London, she called for someone at which point he quite happily took her from her room and put her in his bed! She NEVER sleeps in his bed!!! Then he had the audacity to tell me not to be silly and put her back in her room. I ended up leaving her just because I was so extremely angry at his insolent behaviour.

He's obviously doing this to piss me off, but yet again it's just proof of this idiot's total disregard for the welfare of his kids. He would rather mess around with their routine just in order to get to me, when all I'm doing is trying to keep their routines as simple and uncomplicated with the least amount of fights as possible, so that they at least feel settled.

The same with MM's potty training that I'd started last week while she was on holiday from school. She was doing so well, but when the weekend came and he was left to do it, he simply couldn't be bothered to just remind her on a regular basis to use the potty, so she kept making accidents and he then just decided to put her nappies back on. Nice, dad!

Right, so that's my rant for the day. Only 5 more days that I have to refer to him as my husband, thank god.

Now, something to cheer us all up:


Madge

Removing items from the house

Yesterday morning I was looking for something in the car and happened to stumble upon the fact that there was a whole stack of files and boxes in the car and boot. I confronted STBEH about these items and told him that he was under no circumstances to remove these items from the house without me going through them first to check that he's not removing items that weren't his to remove.

He then said that he'd been through everything and that nothing in there was mine as he didn't want my stuff anyway. I pointed out that it was still not in order for him to remove these bits without my consent. At this point he'd not even told me that he'd gotten an office somewhere from which he was going to work.

Anyway, he got all angry and said it was none of my business and that I was just being a bitch and that he didn't want my stuff anyway etc, etc. At which point I kindly informed him that I would be contacting my lawyer, which I did (more abusive language followed).

Later, when I got home he said that I could go through the boxes of stuff. He'd already taken a whole load of discs out there in the meantime (all with my name on - and he'd originally said he'd already been through it and nothing was mine...).

So, this morning I asked him to unpack the boxes from the car so I could go through them. There were still some of my items in there, however ALL of the files with our personal documents, birth certificates, documents pertaining to the house, etc. were already at said office!!! There's no need for these documents to even leave the house whatsoever!!

I've now phoned him and instructed him to bring these files home today. If however he ignores this request I will have the police raid the office for theft as that is legally how it would be considered.

He has absolutely no right to take personal documents, especially those that rightfully belong to me and the kids. Now I'm going to have to go through these documents with a fine tooth comb to ensure that everything I need is there and that he hasn't filtered bits away.

It just leaves me to ask: What next???

Madge

Morning sex

I had this one through from The Fiery One this morning and it really made me chuckle, so I thought I'd share it:

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.
He walked in; She turned and said,
You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
His eyes lit up and he thought,

'This is my lucky day.'
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her
and then gave it his all;
Right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said,

'Thanks,'
and returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, he asked,

'What was that all about?'
She explained,
'The egg timer's broken.'

I just thought it was hillarious! Maybe it's a personal experience thing...

Madge

I have a date

Well, not THAT kind of date, but a court date. Yes, I had confirmation from my lawyer today that on Monday, 12 October, I am to appear in court as the final step of my divorce process, so one week to go.

To be honest, I'm pretty relieved it's almost over. I know that I'll be absolutely shattered on the day and am very lucky that The Fiery One has offered to take the day off work to drive me to court and take me to drown my sorrows thereafter.

The last six months have been very tiring, draining and emotional to say the least and I know there'll be a lot more to come, but at least the worst is over.

Anyway, I had the most amazing weekend. It kicked off with an exclusive live performance by the amazing duo better known as Goldfish on the stunning roof terrace at the Cape Royale 5* Hotel and Residence.

Stunning!!!

Thanks to Seth at 2 Oceans Vibe for the tickets!

Saturday I spent on Camps Bay beach. It was glorious, not a breath of wind and a stunning 29 degrees and I got to put my new toys in a bikini, which looked pretty damn awesome, even if I have to say so myself!

I've been potty training Miss Muffet too. Unfortunately STBEH didn't keep it up over the weekend when he had the kids, but it's going pretty good over all. She's really got the hang of it amazingly quickly and it just goes to show that if you wait until they're ready, it goes fast!

So, that's the news. A week to go until I'm a divorced woman.

Ciao!

Madge