Numbness sets in

Well, after phoning the mediator yesterday, she contacted EH and apparently he'd told her that he thinks we can sort this out between each other, so her services weren't needed. So, last night EH came to me to have a 'discussion'.

He said he'd been to see both schools in question (I don't actually believe that looking at a website or phoning them is equal to actually visiting the school, talking to teachers, seeing the setup and discussing what they offer) and that he still felt the kids would be fine in the state school. My point was that the state school would indeed be fine, but why send your kids to second best?

Ultimately it came down to his ego and the financial side of things. It kept coming back to that EVERY TIME. I said that if he has any info that would make me believe that the state school would be the better form of education, giving them that one-to-one attention and offers a similar level of services I'd be happy to reconsider.

Then things got nasty, I was again called a host of different names and told amongst other that I was emotionally unstable and that there was something wrong with me because of the way I've been acting. So, leaving your husband to give yourself and your children constitutes being fucked up in the head now? I think it's more a case of STAYING with the bastard that would make one be messed up!

Also, his new favorite phrase of me having an affair and that being the cause of our marriage breaking up was brought up. I reminded him ONCE MORE that our marriage was over in January, that I met this person months after this and even months after that only did I proceed to take things further. I had previously decided that, if he brought it up again, I would have a relevant comeback, which I used rather effectively last night.

So, after all of his shouting, swearing and abusive behaviour, some of which, yet again in front of PC (when I pointed out that he should please stop shouting and swearing at me in front of the child he just proceeded to repeat what he'd just said just to make sure that PC heard what a 'stupid, arrogant bitch' his mom is). Nice!

Now, back to the mediator we go, although I must say I'm totally numb. I'm just so tired and worn out from all of the fighting. I have my moments where I think that I should just relent and let the kids go to the state school, but then I realise that I simply have to fight for them. It's for their future and even if the mediation turns into facilitation and it goes against me, I'll know that I did all I could for my kids, which is what it's all about at the end of the day.

I'd also just like to mention how proud I am of myself for not once raising my voice to him or swearing at him. I swore, but it was never directed at him, more a matter of "Oh for fuck-sake!". Pat-pat...

Madge