Taking strain

I'm back at Wisteria Lane for my last little stretch until I move on to better things. Only four more nights here until I depart for a week long trip to London, which I'm very excited about. I've got a fantastic time lined up, meeting up with friends and simply can't wait!

I had a fabulous weekend with SD and Miss T (his daughter). It was fairly busy, yet in a chilled way. Stayed in on Friday night and watched the movie, Bruno. Ummm... interesting...

On Saturday we went to the beach for a bit, visited Mom and I accompanied a friend to a Hawaiian party in the evening.

Today was very relaxed. Went to the gym for a swim, dropped by the annual Toy Run festivities at Maynardville where there were thousands of bikers and I'm sure that many children will get some lovely presents this Xmas thanks to everyone who participated and donated on this day. Finally we had a lovely lunch at Bloemendal Wynhuis before returning to WL.

Even though I always tend to get a little tense come late Sunday afternoons as I know that the time approaches to head back for another week of "What could happen next?", today was somewhat different as it was the last time.

I got back and the kids weren't home. I really missed them all weekend and was a little disappointed, but it's ok, I just unpacked my things and they got home soon enough. It then emerged that they'd spent the afternoon with people I'd befriended through PC's previous play school. I'd often made the effort to ring them up and keep in touch with this particular couple, but I recently had a suspicion that EH had contacted them (most likely because the husband was a potential work contact).

I don't have a problem with EH contacting them, but what I do have a problem with is what he's been saying. Obviously his favorite little 'affair' rumor would be one issue, but I can't help but think that much more has been said for them to have the reaction that they've had.

Last weekend I saw this couple at a kids party and they were VERY distant. Previously the woman was very friendly with me and we got on very well. That weekend it practically pained her to even greet me and I was avoided like the plague for the duration of the party. I soon caught on and when SD reported getting sideways glances from her it pissed me off somewhat.

As I said, I don't mind who EH befriends, but what annoys me is that he's obviously saying pretty nasty stuff about me to make someone turn so harshly, so knowing that they'd all spent the afternoon together really ticked me off.

Fortunately for me, I've got no shortage of friends and even more fortunate, they weren't close. In a way I'm glad EH is making the effort to make friends, in particular with people who've got small kids, so he's at least getting out and socialising in an environment that's fun for my kids too, I simply just don't appreciate his nasty lies to these (and other) people. Mind you, if they want to believe these lies, then I suppose that says a lot about them too!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a busy week. I need to sort through the final split of stuff and get that finalised for packing, on Tuesday I've got a busy day researching my next story for the online wine mag and in the evening I'm attending and reporting on a photo shoot for an annual photo competition called Wine Laid Bare. Check out their Facebook page here. This is the promotional shoot for their 2010 campaign and it's most certainly going to be an interesting evening, so I'm really looking forward to it and it's all in aid of Breast Cancer, so I'll keep you all up to date with this one as it develops.

Then on Thursday I'm off to the Big Smoke for a week! Yay! So, without any further ado, have a good one.

Madge

Should I or shouldn't I?

This time it' not about me, but rather others out there who are in a similar position as to the one I was in about a year ago. There are some people who I've had contact with in the last couple of weeks who are in crappy marriages.

Loveless, disrespectful, sexless and abusive unions where one or the other party is too scared to move on due to various reasons. One not wanting to give up the perfect family, the perfect home in the perfect village, except she's so deeply unhappy and has decided that retail therapy would be money better spent than wasting it on unsuccessful visits to a marriage counselor (which has already run into over a 5-figure sum in R's).

The other where the wife is so insanely jealous of her husband, constantly accusing him of having an affair and picking on him for whatever reason she can find. He, on the other hand, simply can't bear the thought of being 'alone' again.

A third whose husband is ruled by the bottle and every now and again gets a smack along with the regular emotional abuse of being told how fat, ugly, useless and what a waste of space she is. Again, the 'perfect' life, driving a german sedan, a large house and exotic holidays taking precedence over the fact that she's half the person she used to be, lacks confidence and is in an emotional rut.

There are countless people out there in similar positions to these people. Men and women trapped in unhappy relationships, who simply can't face taking the step of ending things.

I know that these people read TITL and though I hope you're not upset about my using you as examples, I just want to say to all of you that I know how you feel. I was once there before. Deciding to leave a life-partner isn't an easy one. For some of us it's simply not an option. Please just know that there will always be people around you who will support you, whatever your decision. Keep your friends and family close and if you decide to stay, then do it for the RIGHT reasons.

If you've got kids, do what's right for them AND for you, because they will soon grow up, leave the house and then you're stuck, having potentially wasted the best years of your life. Also remember that a happy parent and healthy home atmosphere, makes for happy children.

It is also a known fact that it gets harder and harder to leave someone the older you get. Financially you get very settled and one's confidence to go out on the dating scene starts to wane with age.

I'm not saying these marriages can't be saved. I'm all for saving something if there's a chance of things working out.

In short, all I want to say is that I'm thinking of you and hope that everything works out for you all. Stay strong.

Madge

The small stuff

So, I broached the subject to EH with regards to splitting all of the smaller household items such as crockery, towels, etc. He said to me: "I hope you're going to be fair with this stuff." WTF?!?!?!

Those who know will tell you that I've been incredibly fair with everything from the divorce settlement to the large furniture and appliances and car. When I pointed this out to him he basically snorted at me.

Then he said that he will be ordering a new mirror with exactly the same dimensions as the one I'd had made for the main bedroom three years ago. This is a beautiful large mirror in a custom made frame and the only thing I requested from the main bedroom. I asked him why he doesn't just give me the old one and order his own new version. His reply? "I just want to keep one room complete and not have it devastated due to your antics."

Oh FFS, my antics?! Wake up and take some responsibility for what happened, you nob. It's starting to sink in that this man will forever blame me and the so-called 'affair' I had months after I initiated this divorce. Like with his first marriage, he will tell all the people around him that I had an affair, conveniently omitting the fact that I'd already started divorce proceedings before I went into anything and therefore I will always be the bitch.

For this reason, he will always feel sorry for himself. Now I realise that he is a typical case of someone with "Poor-little-old-me-syndrome". Someone who fucks up time upon time, but doesn't see that it was their own fuck-up, so instead blames the other people involved.

"I was fired and I don't understand why. They must have been jealous." or "She had affairs, even while we were engaged. She said that she wanted to buy a horse with this man." (the ex-ex-wife) and what about "Why does everyone always try to take me for a ride. Even my own brothers shafting me out of a business." I wonder why???

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking responsibility for your actions, or lack of! What pisses me off is that I still have these moments when I feel sorry for him. There are still times when I cry for what could have been or just in general get upset because of all the hurt of the past year. Get a grip, Madge! You're better off without him!

Madge

Getting things done

I'm now counting down my days at Wisteria Lane and with only 9 sleeps until I'm out, it's both exciting and very sad. I first have a little trip to London planned for a week (leaving on the 3rd of December) and then moving into the new place upon my return.

The past weekend was really lovely. The new BF, hereafter referred to as SD (Saturation Diver), got back from his last job last week and we spent the weekend together along with my kids and his lovely daughter and it was really nice.

This week I'm sorting out a lot of stuff for the move. Going through what I'm going to take and what I'm going to leave. It's all a bit tedious as it's not as simple as just packing everything up from one end to the other. Obviously I'll be leaving some toys for the kids to play with when they're visiting EH and it's things like splitting crockery, etc.

Anyway, I need to get on with things, so ta-ra!

Madge

The airport

I had to make a couple of trips to the airport this week and at one point, while sitting there having a coffee, I was struck by a memory.

A memory of all of the times I drove EH to the airport when he travelled to the UK for work. I remembered the sadness I felt on the times when I dropped him off, not knowing when I'd be seeing him again, but also knowing that this was what had to be done.

I knew it wasn't easy for him. Leaving his home, his kids, his wife.

I remembered the times when I was so excited to pick him up. To see him again, for him to see his kids.

I also remembered the last time I dropped him off at the airport. On the 24th of January this year. I remember driving there and knowing in the back of my mind that things would never be the same again. I wasn't sad to say goodbye. Instead, I was relieved that he was leaving.

Relieved that I could have some peace. Some space to get my head around what was lying ahead of me. To finally make up my mind about what I wanted and needed to do with my life. I knew it was over.

I'm actually sitting here and crying as I type this. I still have moments when I'm so overwhelmed by sadness at what has happened. And the memories that returned to me this week at the airport have reminded me yet again of what was and what could have been if only he'd tried. But I wasn't worth it...

Madge

Go lurgy, go!

This stupid coldy fluiness seems to finally be going although I still sound pretty yuk. The sun is shining and actually, life isn't quite that bad!

Actually there's something I'd like to note. I know I've been airing a lot of dirty washing on here and it can seem like a very one-sided story, however it's worth mentioning that there is so much that goes unsaid on here. Lots of shit that happens that I can't add because of what it could implicate in turn.

It might also look as if I'm constantly critisizing EH for his behaviour and things he does or says, but please also know that the same is happening from his side. Even though he's not expressing his thoughts and feelings in blog format, he's happily telling all and sundry his side (albeit a very skewed version). These stories have a way of making it back to me and I am well aware of his opinions of what I get up to on my weekends away or my notorious 'affair'.

So, now I've cleared that one up, I thought it worth sharing a funny:

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc?...I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin, in every way".

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts.

She says, "You're the first... no one has EVER touched these."

He immediately drops his pants and replies…

Look at this,...still in the CRATE!"

Madge

Now it's groceries!

I was happily minding my own business, when the voice of gloom (EH) comes from the kitchen: "It's your turn to buy groceries". It would seem that he missed the full fridge last week. He'd never notice all of the washing powder, bleach, cleaning goodies and the nappies I bought that was on his list from three weeks ago, that he very conveniently forgot to buy along with a couple of other more expensive items or any other everyday items such as meat and veg...

The deal is we take turns to buy groceries. I gave him a list three weeks ago, which he only got round to buying the following weekend without checking what additional items might have been added to a new list on the fridge in the five days since he was given a list.

So, last week was my turn again and I went out and bought all of the things on the list (now 2 weeks old) along with other extras. I had to buy nappies along the way too as we'd run out.

The more I kept telling this idiot that it was in fact his turn, the more he insisted it was mine! I honestly cannot believe his insolent and abhorrent behaviour... Mind you, actually I can.

To make matters worse, I find out from a neighbor that Prince Charming knocked on their door yesterday at roughly 10:00 - this on a Sunday morning. They don't have a problem with PC playing there as they enjoy him a lot and he's no trouble, however, it turns out that he was left to play there for the ENTIRE day and only went home after 17:00 when they asked him to. At no stage during this day did EH pop over to check that PC was indeed there still, that he was ok, that they were ok having him all of this time or even to come home for lunch! He obviously just accepted that these people would feed and water his child.

And then I'm the one being told I'm a bad mother. I'm the one who gets slagged off left right and centre because I apparently only party all the time and have affairs. Thankfully I'm not going to be in this house for much longer and neither are my children. Unfortunately for now I have to hand my children over to this man every second weekend, but I'm quite grateful for this kind of behaviour as he's practically handing me the sole custody on a silver platter! Mind you, maybe that's what he wants. Your wish is my command!

Madge

Winds of change

It seems like the sun is finally back in Cape Town, although with it has come the usual winds that I've grown used to expecting around this time of year. The traditional south-easterly wind that's also known as the Cape Doctor, because it blows all of the pollution away, can also please blow all of the negativity away in my life.

This week should be a good and busy one if I can just get over this nasty cold I picked up. I was sick as a dog all weekend long. Had a lovely evening with one of my girlfriends who's also currently dealing with a divorce and went to a very chilled 40th birthday dinner too although I wasn't exactly feeling on top form whatsoever.

Went to the movies yesterday with Mom as she had a show house on, so we saw The Ugly Truth and had a really good chuckle. I've never really been a fan of Katherine Heigl, but I thought she was really good in this film and she reminds me of Charlize Theron, who is my favorite actress.

Katherine Heigl

The stunning South African bombshell, Charlise Theron

The movie highlights what men want from their dates and vice versa and shows Heigl almost changing her personality to catch Mr. Right. Compromise is one thing, but changing who you are is such a big mistake that so many people make when they first start dating as they try to be someone who they're not, only to make the other person like them.

Firstly it will never last and secondly, why would you want someone to like you for who you aren't? If they can't like you for who you are then simply accept it's not to be and move on. We're all different, have different traits and ideas about life and even though nobody's perfect and there will probably always be something that mildly irritates you about a partner, it's unfair and unrealistic to accept them to change, just as it is of them to expect that of you.

It's a matter of either accepting someone and loving them for who they are or calling it a day and moving on to someone who shares your sense of humor, enjoys what you do and views life issues in a similar light.

Don't ever change who you are for anybody. Just be yourself and the right person will come along to boost and enhance you for who you are.

Madge

Another week closer to moving out

Well, fortunately this week has been rather uneventful on the EH front, although not without it's stresses. I've had a little argument with TFO, which is never nice, but she was way out of order with what she said to me, so not good.

EH also finally sent me signed agreements with regards to the car which he's buying me out of and all of the furniture and appliances we're splitting.

I've also got something very exciting to look forward to for early next week, so things seem to be looking up.

Until then, however I'm going to have to sit tight. I was slightly upset this morning when I got a phone call from someone voicing their concern about PC. Not that he's been difficult or naughty, but that he's become very introverted and isn't his usual bubbly, happy self.

I know this is true. He has withdrawn quite a lot with other people and it's really sad to see. All I can hope for is that he will revert back to his old self once we're in our new home without any atmospheres and dramas. It is inevitable that he would sense what is going on and even though there haven't been any major dramas in the house for a couple of weeks, the atmosphere can be sliced it's so thick.

Anyway, not long now.

As you know, I'm a HUGE fan of the American talent show, So You Think You Can Dance and have previously posted a clip here of a dance on addiction. This week's episode had yet another amazingly moving number, this time danced by Adé and Melissa and choreographed by Tyce Diorio. The story this time is about a woman's struggle with breast cancer. All of the judges were in tears and most of the audience. Needless to say, so was I. An amazingly moving piece and fantastic interpretation.



In recent weeks I've learnt of two people who I know, to be afflicted with this disease. One has already had her operation to have a lump removed last week and the other is due to go in on Monday for her full mastectomy.

To both of these brave ladies all I want to say is stay strong. There are people who love and support you and we are all right behind you with your fight and won't ever drop our weapons. I have sent up special prayers for you both. It certainly makes one realise that what you've got isn't quite that bad after all.

Nudity

People have varying opinions on nudity and their bodies. It's funny, just this morning we were talking about it at my yoga class and were saying that there are apparently people who do nude yoga classes. Personally I can't imagine that as I'd be laughing so much and even more so, would in no way get into some of the positions in the nude in front of complete strangers.

My opinion on nudity is that it's the most natural form for a human being to be in. We've all got jiggly bits (some more than others) and we've all got the same parts of anatomy.

At home I'm very comfortable walking around naked in front of my kids and will continue to do so until one day one of them gets uncomfortable with it, at which point I'll respect that.

I think what's most important is to not have a stigma about our bodies and more specifically, to give our kids body image issues. More and more we hear about little girls aged 9, 10, 11, who are dieting and even becoming anorexic, because of the pressures that society put on us to be physically perfect.

Also, there's the issue of not feeling confident in your own skin. This can also be passed on to kids.

Anyway, what brought this whole subject about is a story I've been asked to write for an annual photo competition. They're doing their promotional shoot and the organiser has asked whether I'd write the story, but also whether I'd like to be part of the whole event.

It's going to be held at a very secluded restaurant and the whole idea is for it to be in the style of Calendar Girls, where certain body parts are obscured by tables, wine bottles and glasses, menus, flowers, etc.


I think this is going to be such a larff! Logistically it could be a nightmare as it would seem there are going to be roughly 30 people in this shoot, but I'm sure it could be stunning if it is done well.

Some may frown upon this and others, like me, will see the potential fun that could be had (and no, I'm not referring to any dodgy orgies or anything sinister like that), wining and dining at one of the top restaurants in the country 'au naturel'. All of the people involved will have been vetted and are professionals who have a little bit of an exciting and daring side to them.

I'll let you know how it went.

Madge

What's in the stars

I've always had a mild fascination in the stars and signs of the zodiac and I've always been convinced that there are certain genuine character traits within each of the twelve signs that are absolutely true to the person that is being represented.

Except for those who are born on the cusp of a sign - within 2 days of the change of a sign and can represent a mixture of both signs, I also realise that there are further differentiating factors within each sign depending on the actual birth date and what the ruling planet is at that time.

Coming out of a marriage and now moving into a new relationship, it's made me turn to the stars for some guidance.

As born sagittarius, I've researched my character traits according to the stars and I must say, I'm a classic case sag and very proud of it.

The problem I'm having at this point is whether there's much truth in the zodiac compatibilities of the various star signs. Some signs are more compatible than others, i.e. Sagittarius being a fire sign is said to be most compatible with Leo and Aries (also fire signs).

I know one shouldn't base any major decision making on this kind of thing, but I also know that EH's sign and the sag aren't particularly compatible on a marital level, but is said to be great for friendship and I tend to agree with this. Over and above the issues we've had over the past few months, I've always said that I'm sure we could still be friends. Unfortunately now I'm not sure that would be possible any more given the extent of the situation, but then I've also learned that the saying "Never say never" is very relevant.

I'd love to hear some of your opinions on this matter in the comments section.

Madge

Flutterbyes and relaxation

I got home a little while ago from what was a really nice and relaxing weekend on The Farm. I drove out there on Friday early evening. Unfortunately shortly after arriving there, I had a phone call from EH, demanding to know where I was. My reply? "Well, you've got a tracking device, why don't you use it?!"

I was only told that I was being silly and stupid and a whole host of other things... As I pointed out though, I've been going away EVERY weekend for the past four months, it's not new, it's not unusual and he should be used to it by now. Furthermore, what I do is none of his business. Whatever!

On Saturday morning The Fiery One and Rabbit left for their wedding and Mom joined me. We went to the Windmeul farmers market, which was nice and then mosied around a bit at Paarl Mall, but the kids were tired and miserable, so we headed home and all ended up having a nice little afternoon snooze.

Today I took the kidlets to Butterfly World and we had a ball. There are all kinds of creatures there over and above the butterflies and the funniest part was when one of the little marmoisettes jumped on me from behind and I let out a loud yelp to the tune of, "OH, FUCK!". Let's just say, I don't think the other parents were too pleased... Oops!

Anyway, back at the farm TFO and Rabbit had returned and we just chilled out.

Now, it's back to reality and life at Wisteria Lane. Let's see what this week holds in store.

Madge

PS: Have I mentioned that I'm moving out?

TFI Friday

Phew! Another week is gone and I must say it's been an eventful one. This weekend should be chilled. I'm going to The Farm with the kidlets, which should be nice. The Fiery one and Rabbit are going to a wedding in the Elgin valley and have asked me to babysit their kids, the pugs, Mugg and Bean and their ridgeback, Mocha.

Mom's also going to be joining us. We'll probably go to the Windmeul market tomorrow, which has been advertised widely and might just explore some of the local Paarl wineries.

It's a pity the weather forecast for the weekend is a bit grim, but we'll make the most of it none-the-less.

Got this recently from Mister Mutual and like the thinking. It's quite old, but still one of the best advertising wars I've seen -

1. BMW ran this campaign:


2. See Audi's reply:


3. Subaru feel urged to say something:


4. However Bentley's Chairman had the last word:


Have a great weekend!

Madge

The Irish

Sorry, this one's too good not to share:

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!"

"I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of dem, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

Whaaaaaahahahaha!

Madge

The best time of day

I'd realised this before, but for some reason it was very poignant yesterday that my favorite time of day is around 7:30 in the morning when I hear EH start up the car to go to work. It's as if a wave of relief sweeps over me because I know there shouldn't be any more confrontation at least until he gets back this evening.

By around 16:30 in the afternoon though, I feel myself tensing up again, wondering what the evening has in store. I have however found a coping mechanism, which I'm hoping will serve me well over the next few weeks. I act as if he's not even here. I don't make eye contact and don't talk to him. Let's see how that works.

On Monday I applied for an interdict (personal protection/restraining order) against him. The fact that he'd admitted to tracking me, him stalking and subsequently harassing me seemed to be ample reason for the judge to grant the application. I just don't understand why he's doing this now. We're divorced! It just makes one wonder what the thinking is behind it all...

Anyway, I saw this clip and simply had to share it, because we've all been in a similar situation, I'm sure.

Pure genius!

Madge

I need some light entertainment

I've had a crappy day, but ended up with some good results in the end, so I suppose it's not so bad after all. Thought I'd share this funny as it made me smile today and to be honest, there hasn't been a lot to smile about...

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.'Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?Lemonade? Iced tea?'

'Iced tea, please,' Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.

'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach...'

'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mom informed him.

'Really?' Fred replied; eyebrows rose.

'Oh yes,' the mother continued. 'When she goes out with her friends,that's all they do!'

'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous. 'Yes,' said the mother. 'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'

'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mom!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. 'The fV@king dance is called the Twist!

Madge

Fighting fire with fire

Wow, well, I've had a rather eventful weekend and a subsequently busy Monday. It turns out that EH has now reverted to stalking and harassing me. He's admitted to actually tracking my movements by GPS and I'm still trying to find out whether he's actually tracking my phone or car. He's also taking photos of my movements too.

On Saturday morning he turned up at a friend's house with the kids in tow, sending me a bunch of sms's saying that the kids want to see me etc. and buzzing on the door bell incessantly.

I really think this is bordering on obsessive behaviour and am genuinely concerned at the fact that he's actually dragging the kids along on his little missions and using them. What do you think he's telling them???

I'm very worried about the lengths this man will go to and what he's capable of. Surely the fact that we are now divorced means that my movements have absolutely nothing to do with him? Surely it's illegal to stalk and harass someone and fit a tracking device without their knowledge or consent?

So, I'm now fighting fire with fire. I have to deal with this matter as I can't help but wonder what his next move will be and looking at his history over the past seven months it's not exactly getting any better. Quite the contrary.

Madge