Ahem...

Having one of those days where I don't really know where to start. I had a lovely weekend. Went wine tasting with a whole group of people on Saturday and it was brilliant. Our first farm was Hartenberg, followed by L'Avenir, which was brilliant. We ended off at Beyerskloof where we all sat down to a brilliant lunch too.

It was just lovely to get out for the day and spend some time with a group of nice people and to meet some new and interesting people, have a laugh and enjoy some good wine.

On Saturday evening I went to a 40th birthday party and when i woke up at 3am feeling slightly sick and very thirsty, I knew I'd had a good day! Needless to say, Sunday wasn't such a good day, although I had a lovely meal with some really neat people, which made it all the more bearable.

Today has been pretty busy trying to get as much done as I can before tomorrow, THE BIG DAY! I was originally going to let you in on my little secret today, but realised that I'll be able to come online tomorrow morning still, so you'll have to wait until then.

Over and above all of this, I've also been doing a fair bit of soul searching lately and have realised that I'm probably a lot more scarred than I thought I was initially. I've changed a lot over these past few years and have lost so much of the person who I essentially used to be. I think I'll probably start off being pretty guarded with my emotions and feelings when it comes to future relationships.

I think with all of last week's dramas it has just been highlighted that I can now move on with regards to relationships and this has just brought all of these thoughts into my head. As I've said before, I'm not sure I'll be diving straight into anything and as exciting as it is to think that I might experience being in love again, it's also slightly daunting and I'm actually quite afraid of being hurt again, however the dating part might be a lot of fun.

As for STBEH I'm also very saddened, because I think I've now lost all respect for him and whereas before I thought I'd be able to be friends afterwards, I'm not sure this will happen anymore. I can understand that he's done a lot of the things to keep his family together, but the more I see, the more I'm convinced that it's more a situation of him not wanting to start over and the financial impact that he's more concerned about.

Anyway, as you can tell, my mind is a little bit all over the place today, so I'll leave you with that. Bring on tomorrow!

Madge