Worn out

Yes, I am. After yet another onslaught last night from STBEH, I'm just feeling that numbness again. I honestly don't know what to say anymore to get my message across. It just seems pointless to say anything at all, so I let him say his thing and cry/shout or whatever it is that he wants to do and sit there and stare into the distance.

It's been almost four months since I told him that I wanted the divorce and not once in this time have I given him any reason to believe that I've changed my mind, yet he still believes that he stands a chance of winning me back even with all of his contradictory behaviour throughout this time.

I just don't know anymore. Furthermore it turns out he's been snooping through my stuff, which just pissed me off. Now, just because he found lyrics I'd written about finding love again, I'm apparently seeing someone... Aaaaargh! The PAIN!!

Thing is that I've met a couple of people who I'd like to date and have asked me out, but I simply can't do anything until STBEH has signed the dotted line, because I know for sure that he will inevitably involve anyone into the situation and obviously don't think it's fair on these people, so in the meantime I just have to sit tight. Hell, I've waited this long, what harm will a few more weeks do, eh?

As I tried to explain to him, I'm looking to my future. I'm thinking about the house I want to live in and how I want to decorate it, I'm hoping to find love again and that someone special is out there waiting for me.

Fortunately for me I know that I'm capable of finding my own happiness. I don't need someone else to provide it to me and I sure as hell don't need anyone to take it away from me, nor will I allow it!

Madge