Feeling strangely fine

I don't know why, but despite the dark and rainy weather today, I'm feeling somewhat euphoric today. I didn't have a particularly good night's sleep, but after dropping Miss Muffet off at school this morning I just suddenly felt really good. Maybe that's a sign of things to come today?!

Looking at the heading to this post, I was reminded of the band Semisonic and their album entitled 'Feeling Strangely Fine' and came across this video done to one of my favorite tracks on the album, 'Secret Smile'. Love it!


Yesterday when I got home I noticed that Prince Charming had a 'bloodshot' eye and a little while later saw that it was indeed infected, so I've kept him home from school as pink-eye is highly infectious and somehow I don't think his teacher or the other moms from school will appreciate it if he passed it on to their little sh.. darlings...

He's very excited because he's going to spend the night with The Fiery One on The Farm and she's taking him horse riding tomorrow morning at a neighboring farm where they have the most beautiful Arabian horses. I'm just hoping that the weather allows it, but looking at the forecast it should be sunny again for the weekend. Yay!

This weekend is fairly busy for me too. I'm going to get to spend some quality time with Miss Muffet tonight and tomorrow morning, then she's going to stay with my Mom tomorrow night as I have a christening to go to on Sunday morning and simply won't be able to get her to sit still in a church and then going with Mom to some friends for a lunch time braai, which should be fun.

Other than that I'm toying with the idea of going to the Mad Hatters Tea Party tonight at the Old Biscuit Mill. I can take Miss Muffet along as it shouldn't be late (especially if I go early), but I'm going to see if I can rally a friend or two as I don't want to go on my own.

And that is my plan. Have to try and cut PC's mop before he goes to The Farm too.

Cheers!

Madge

Thursday already?!

Wow! For some reason this week has really raced by. I suppose I've been fairly busy and that helps. The cold wintery weather is back though, but I'm hoping not for long. I must say, this winter hasn't been too bad overall. It seems as if it has been a lot drier than last year and although it has been freezing cold at times, there have been some corkers in between, which makes a difference to the overall winter feel.

I'm in a much better place today compared to yesterday, mainly because I had a bit of time in the house without STBEH here. He went out last night, which is good. Not only does it give me some time to be chilled in the house with the kids, but also for him to get out, socialise and unwind, which I'm positive he needs too.

Got this joke from The Writer recently and thought I'd share it:

A father puts his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this:

"God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say,

"God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock.

He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day
he stayed there, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened HERE."

He asked "What"??????

She said "This morning your best friend James suddenly died."

Enjoy your Phuza Thursday peeps!

Madge

Worn out

Yes, I am. After yet another onslaught last night from STBEH, I'm just feeling that numbness again. I honestly don't know what to say anymore to get my message across. It just seems pointless to say anything at all, so I let him say his thing and cry/shout or whatever it is that he wants to do and sit there and stare into the distance.

It's been almost four months since I told him that I wanted the divorce and not once in this time have I given him any reason to believe that I've changed my mind, yet he still believes that he stands a chance of winning me back even with all of his contradictory behaviour throughout this time.

I just don't know anymore. Furthermore it turns out he's been snooping through my stuff, which just pissed me off. Now, just because he found lyrics I'd written about finding love again, I'm apparently seeing someone... Aaaaargh! The PAIN!!

Thing is that I've met a couple of people who I'd like to date and have asked me out, but I simply can't do anything until STBEH has signed the dotted line, because I know for sure that he will inevitably involve anyone into the situation and obviously don't think it's fair on these people, so in the meantime I just have to sit tight. Hell, I've waited this long, what harm will a few more weeks do, eh?

As I tried to explain to him, I'm looking to my future. I'm thinking about the house I want to live in and how I want to decorate it, I'm hoping to find love again and that someone special is out there waiting for me.

Fortunately for me I know that I'm capable of finding my own happiness. I don't need someone else to provide it to me and I sure as hell don't need anyone to take it away from me, nor will I allow it!

Madge

Meetings, meetings

All day long. Breakfast meeting, lunch meeting and afternoon tea meeting, so I thought I'd quickly come and say hi! My cold is much better today, so I can deal with life again. No more movement with regards to matters at home, so I'll just hang in there, patiently.

So, I'm afraid, since that is all I have to say today, I'll leave you with a funny:

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, I need you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

Oh how we laugh!!

Madge x

Sniff-sniff

After spending most of the day in bed yesterday, I'm feeling a fair bit better today, although still not quite on form. Fortunately it's just a silly head-cold which will pass in time. I'm even giving the gym a skip, which is probably the right thing to do.

This week is yet another busy one with lots happening and hopefully finalisation on the settlement matter. It would seem that we're 95% there, but the last sticking point is with regards to the actual maintenance, which STBEH had previously agreed to and now it seems he wants to pay less. The thing is that he's trying to spite me, but in turn he's affecting his children.

My maintenance request is EXTREMELY fair and can merely cover some of the children's expenses. Anyway, I've conceded on some of the points, but I'm afraid that there are certain things that I simply cannot let go. The reality is that the combined monthly maintenance figure for both of the kids is less than half of what he used to pay for his daughter from his first marriage 4 years ago!

Ok, I know that we lived in the UK then and that things are more expensive there, but only to an extent. Things cost what they cost and I just don't understand that he doesn't want to commit to his fair share of the kids' expenses.

Anyway, I'm hoping that this little rant will be irrelevant when I hear back from the lawyer and that he's realised that I'm merely being fair.

Well, I hope you all have a great week.

Madge

A great weekend, but now I'm ill

Which is probably better than getting that dreaded sore throat around Wednesday which ultimately means that you'll be at your worst by Saturday and your weekend is a non-event. It was my weekend off again with regards to the kids, so I went to stay with Mom on Friday just to get away.

On Saturday morning I did a fantastic publishing seminar hosted by New Voices Publishing and Perform! Marketing. I have to say it was an excellent morning and it has really helped me a lot with regards to knowing what to expect from the whole publishing process, the costs, timelines and expectations I should and shouldn't have.

In the afternoon I went to a braai/housewarming party of a friend and had a ball. I knew about 4 people there and enjoyed meeting some new folks who were all really nice and fun. Had a bit of a glitch later on when I turned a bend and hit a MASSIVE rock that was obviously put there by some stupid kids and burst my tyre. Fortunately it was just around the corner from my friends' house and I had a couple of people in the car with me, so a couple of the guys managed to sort it out for me - THANKS! However, to the little shits who put the rock there all I have to say is 'Karma'!

Today, however I've been feeling rather crap and before anyone says 'hangover', I can assure you it's not. I just wasn't in one of those drinking moods last night. Instead I definitely have a cold and am feeling a little sorry for myself, so have been in bed for most of the day and STBEH even made me a cup of green tea this afternoon. Funny thing is we've actually had a semi-kind of conversation today, although when I told him I was feeling crap and had a cold, he was questioning whether I was merely hung over instead and then when he asked me about what had happened to the car and I told him, I got a sideways look. At the end of the day I have no reason to lie to him, so he just needs to think what he wants, it makes absolutely no difference to me whatsoever.

This week should be good, I'm sure and I'm looking forward to what it holds in store. I hope your weekends and weeks ahead are great too.

Madge

Brrrrrrrrr...

After the glorious summer-like days of last weekend, the cold has returned again and as I'm sitting here eating my Greek yoghurt with honey, I know I'm typing away, but can't really feel my fingertips...

Firstly, apologies for not writing yesterday, but I was not in a very good place. I was busy in the morning with meetings and then at lunchtime I took Prince Charming to see a counselor and this just really upset me.

As it turns out, she really put my mind at ease with regards to how I'm handling all of this and said that I was doing the right thing. Yes, his little 'accidents' are a definite sign of stress, but she felt that it wasn't serious enough to end up having a whole lot of sessions with someone at this stage, however things might get worse when we eventually move out of the house and go our separate ways and we simply need to keep our eye on the situation. So, this morning I had a brief chat to his teacher at school to also let me know if she sees any changes in him.

What upset me though, was that the poor kids actually have to go through this. My parents got divorced when I was 8 and I went through a whole phase of denial. Fortunately my kids are much younger and will adapt quickly, but what frustrates me is the fact that they're just too small to even explain it to. PC doesn't even understand the concept of marriage, let alone divorce. Anyway, as the lady said, I'm dealing with it in the best way possible, so I just need to stick with it and the damage should be minimal.

I had a little surprise in the post this morning sent in by my bestest friend in London, the Project Manager. He told me that he'd sent me something and I've been waiting patiently for the SA postal service to deliver it and lo and behold, this morning when I checked the box, there it was!

It's the latest Freemasons album "Shakedown 2". I've already listened to a few tracks on disc 2 and it's seriously HOT! It takes me back to the days when we used to party hard at Fabric on the famous DTPM Sundays or going to Fire under Vauxhall Station where we used to loooove the DIRTY music (said in a very low and raspy voice and referring to the deep base sounds that you feel thumping in your heart - you know what I mean...)! Not to forget the evenings spent at The Cross in Kings Cross (which has since closed) and Salvation, Later and not to forget Orange!

Those in the know would recognise all of these club nights as the gay nights out and in my opinion they were the best out there! For any girl it's the best place to go to avoid being hassled by some idiot who's drunk and simply wants to jump you. The guys who chat to you are doing so, because they want to and not because of any other alterior motives they may have. Boy, how I miss those days!!

Thanks PM for bringing back the memories xxx

Madge

From L to L

It is indeed a sad state of affairs the day you realise that the person you once loved so dearly, doted over and would undoubtedly give your life for, has let you down so much that you can hardly even look at them without feeling an immense sense of contempt.

Until fairly recently I still often had emotions of sadness for the pain he was experiencing. I genuinely felt sorry for having to put him through the ordeal of getting divorced as I knew he didn't want it, but I also knew that I simply HAD to.

However, recently I've been realising more and more that I would've been the biggest fool to myself and my kids if I hadn't made this decision.

Today I am convinced that the REAL reason why STBEH doesn't want to get divorced isn't because he loves me soooooo much or because he doesn't want to break up the family. The underlying reason for his desperate behaviour stems simply from him not wanting to give up his lifestyle.

He's got the big house on a golf estate, he's got the attractive wife on his arm and caters to his every whim, the two beautiful kids who charm everyone. Soon, most of it will no longer be his and THIS is what hurts him most. This is the reason why he's been so determined to fight for everything - not because he loves me so much and thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread or because he doesn't want to break up the family.

Isn't it a sad state of affairs when you look at someone who you once loved and now realise that all you feel for them starts with another l.......

Madge

This is going to be a GOOD week!

Yes, I know it! And the one who tries to stuff it up for me has got another thing coming, because I'm going to make sure that things start turning up for me now.

I had the most amazing weekend and how could you not with temperatures reaching 24 degrees in the middle of winter?!

I took the kids to the beach on Saturday afternoon as well as Sunday morning after spending a lovely evening with my Mom. I simply couldn't believe that we were having such amazing weather in the heart of winter and realised yet again how blessed we are to live in the wonderful city of Cape Town.

For the locals, I can highly recommend a visit to Big Bay (near Blouberg Strand) where there is a stunning new development with restaurants and some shops. The views of Table Mountain and the ocean are wonderful and there are huge lawns where the kids can play safely while you sip at a cocktail.

I must say, if it wasn't for a prior lunch arrangement, I'd definitely have stayed for the day as it was just absolutely perfect!

Before the only real place to have drinks would be at the famous Blue Peter Hotel, which I noticed was being revamped. It desperately needed some tlc, so I was glad to see that the owners were finally doing something there and considering this new development, they have now got some serious competition - which isn't always a bad thing.

I hope your weekends were as good as mine.

Madge

I have to wait until Monday now

This is definitely a game STBEH is playing just to tire me out and obviously he just loves the atmosphere and the stress he's putting the kids and I through, because I've just heard from my lawyer that apparently he needs to think about things and his lawyer will revert back on Monday with his final decision.

WTF?!?!

I'm just wondering what there is to think about? Honestly, if this isn't a pathetic way of playing games, then what is? In the meantime he's putting the kids through all of the stress of living in a house where there's this terrible atmosphere merely because he can't accept it's over and prefers to f*ck about.

Well, at least I now know I'll just have to sit tight for a few more days, but when it's over, it's over and it'll be worth it.

Someone asked me the other day that if I knew what I know now, whether I would still have started it all and my answer: "Beyond a shadow of a doubt, in fact, I would've done it sooner!"

Thank goodness I'm a patient person

Or else I'd be bald by now from pulling my hair out!

Needless to say, I'm still awaiting news from my lawyer, which leads me to think that either STBEH has signed the docs and it's merely taking time as the originals have to be sent as opposed to the usual email/fax OR they're still continuing with the silly-buggers charade of "Let's just keep her waiting a bit longer".

Obviously, I'm hoping for the signed docs bit, but to be honest, either way isn't a big deal. I'll either find out that this whole ordeal is almost over or that I'll have to fight this out in court at which point all offers are off the table yet again and I'll be quite happy for a judge to give a fair ruling, which might even mean I'll be even better off.

Anyway, hopefully I'll have some news either way by the end of the day so I can at least go into the weekend with an idea of what's going to be happening over the next few weeks.

I visited the GEM (Golf Estate Mommy) with the kids on Wednesday night and had such a lovely time. We were chatting, gossiping, drinking wine and eating chocolates late into the night and I got to just chillax for a few hours.

Also met TRG for a coffee as well as a good meeting with the Book Lady for even more hair raising stories on her life.

Anyway, it's my weekend with the kids and I have to work out what I'll be doing with them. Hopefully if the sun keeps shining like it is today, I might take them to the beach for a little play, which I'm sure they'll love.

Wishing you all a good weekend.

Madge

I just wanted to get divorced

That's all! I'm sorry if it's hurting STBEH, but this is life. All along I've tried to be nice, tried to do this in an amicable way. For some apparent reason though, he doesn't want to do it that way. He prefers to try and f*ck me over where he can and I am constantly on edge, waiting for the next onslaught from whichever direction it might be coming.

I know it's not nice having to get divorced and it must be hard to accept, considering that he wasn't the one who made the decision in the first place, but why do things to try and hurt me? I think it's only fair to say that I've been hurt enough through his lack of attention, emotion and care (amongst others), but to now go about things the way he has been doing for the past three months?

I was chatting to Mom on the phone this morning and she was saying how empty one feels once the divorce is finally declared in court, but her situation was so different. She still loved my Dad (God knows why) and was very sad that she'd wasted 23 years of her life on a loveless marriage to a serial philanderer. Though I'll agree that my situation is sad, I'm definitely no longer sad about splitting up because STBEH has proven to me throughout these last few months that I was right in making this decision.

So, while I'm still waiting anxiously to hear back from my lawyer with regards to his decision, I can only imagine what the next thing will be. Actually, that's a lie, I can't really imagine it, because I've been so shocked at the things that have been said and done that I honestly cannot think what he's capable of doing next.

I sit... and wait...

Madge

My 100th Post!

Wow, time sure flies! I can't exactly say "when you're having fun", but I can't believe that I've already clocked 100 posts on TITL.

I don't want this milestone post to be negative or miserable or even bitchy. What I'd like to say to those of you (most of whom I don't even know) is that I really appreciate your support. Many of you have commented and I hope that those of you who are in similar situations have gained something out of my personal ramblings, even if it was just the odd chuckle.

To all of my friends who read TITL, thanks for understanding where I am, what I'm dealing with and supporting me accordingly. The day I started this 'Online Diary' of mine, I never thought that I would be getting this much out of it on an emotional level and I certainly didn't imagine having so many readers - according to Analytics we're looking at around 200 a day.

I've had A LOT of stick about it too, but it's all been worth it.

I've also been thinking that once this whole divorce lark is over and I'm in my own home, once the house EVENTUALLY sells, I will probably not be writing much more, but will come on now and again to let you know how all is going, however, this is still a few months off.

Madge

Taken things too far!

As I sit here right now I'm absolutely livid. I'm shaking so much from pure anger. I honestly don't know what's going on in STBEH's head. He's been on at me for the last 24 hours about reconsidering 'before it's too late', but then he does things that totally conflict with this.

I've had the whole spieel of promises that he'll change and make an effort and try to make this work. He's been back from London for three months and hasn't done anything to this effect consistently. He also said that he never knew that I was thinking about getting a divorce. So, when I said it in as many words, he still didn't know and when I returned a couple of days later asking him whether he'd made up his mind, he still didn't know. Bull Shit!

On top of it all, he's trying to put me on a guilt trip by threatening suicide. That is very much below the belt if you ask me. Mind you, the way I feel right now, I'll go to the pharmacy myself to pick up a container full of sleeping tablets and let him do us all a favor. I know that sounds horrible, but I'm honestly at my wits end right now. I'm so frazzled and totally beside myself. I really don't know what this man is capable of. What next???

Anyway, I think we finally might be getting somewhere as I know he went to his lawyer this morning. Please, please, please just hope or pray or do whatever it is you do that he has finally signed the settlement proposal so that I can push this forward once and for all and get this destructive person out of my life.

Madge

Fun and emotions

Let's start with the fun bit and yesterday's amazing time at the Bastille Festival in Franschhoek. Mom and I drove through for the day and though initially we were somewhat apprehensive at the potential weather conditions, it actually turned out to be a stunning day with rain only descending on us once we were in the car and driving back home.

We had a fabulous breakfast and enjoyed the stalls selling all kinds of things from A-ntiques to Z-ebra skins. Then at mid day as the main food and wine marquee opened up, we made sure to grab ourselves some chairs in a good spot and with our stomachs nicely lined, started the wine tasting in all earnest.

To me, the wine that stands out most of all was the stunning Rose from Vrede en Lust. Made from Pinotage and Shiraz grapes, it was a beautifully fruity wine with flavours of watermelon and strawberries.

We also ended up drinking a couple of bottles of the Pierre Jourdan Belle Rose bubbly. Yum, yum, yum...

Pierre Jourdan - Cuvee Belle Rose

Anyway, I'm feeling a little down today and although I'm willing to accept that I might be slightly hung over, though I feel ok having drunk a ton of water before going to bed.

I think the reality is that I NEVER imagined that this divorce process would be as emotionally draining and frustrating as it has been. I'm not saying that I would've done anything differently, but it's certainly been one of the hardest things I've had to do. It hasn't always been easy to stay strong and I've had times when I've really struggled emotionally.

So, I'm a little bit tearful this morning, just wondering when this whole ordeal will finally come to an end so I can start to get on with my new life as a single mother and deal with all of the challenges that may hold.

Madge

I'm worried about Prince Charming

I stayed over at my Mom's place last night to help her in and around the house with a few things, such as painting, a spot of DIY, etc. Not only was it a good break for me, but also nice to have some quality time with her without the kids. There was no way I could take the kids if I was going to be painting, so left them at home with STBEH and knew they'd be fine as the nanny was home too during the day, although I don't think STBEH was too happy about it.

Anyway, came back this afternoon to the most frosty reception. He's so angry he can't even look at me and even the guard at the gate asked me why he was so angry as he was apparently rude to him too?!?!

The only reason I can think of for this latest bout of anger is my response to his pathetic payout counter-offer in which my lawyer copied the deeds for the house, which clearly state that I own 50% of the property.

I told my Mom about the situation at home and the severity of the atmosphere here and she was very upset. For me, I'm merely dealing with it as I have no other choice, however my main concern at this stage is Prince Charming. He's been fully potty trained for two years now, however over the last 2-3 weeks he's had numerous little 'accidents'. These accidents aren't happening at night, they're actually happening while he's playing in the day while he's totally aware of what's going on.

So, I phoned a 'specialist' to discuss this and from what she said (obviously without having a proper consultation with PC), it might be due to the stress and tension at home. I was so very deeply upset about this as it is the exact opposite of what I have been trying to achieve whilst having no other option but to live under one roof.

The poor boy doesn't realise what's going on around him. He doesn't even understand the concept of marriage, let alone divorce and though I often reassure him how much we love him, the reality is that it seems the atmosphere must be getting to him.

I'm going to try and make an appointment for him to see a childrens counselor so that we can try and deal with this a.s.a.p. before it becomes worse. Sad thing is that he probably doesn't even realise himself why these 'accidents' are happening.

Now I go into yet another weekend with this shitty atmosphere and, who knows, perhaps even a blow-up, because looking at him stomp around the house, I just don't know what I can expect! I just want it all to be over now!

Wish me luck

Madge

Blah...

Yes, it's another blah day for me. Although I'm fairly busy today I'm just in one of those funny moods. Apart from the fact that it seems I have got 'writer's block', I suppose there's not that much to say.

I won't be online tomorrow and most of Friday, so you won't be hearing from me and therefore thought I should at least give you a little something today.

I'm really looking forward to going to the annual Bastille Day celebrations in Franschhoek on Saturday. This will be the third year running that a group of us are going and it always turns out to be such a laugh with the bubbly flowing. Let's hope the weather plays along, but hey, if it doesn't, I'm sure we'll still have a ball.

Anyway, I'm afraid I don't have much else to report, so will leave you with this funny from The Fiery One:
Madge

Busy, busy, busy

So, with work on my plate along with kids who are still on holiday and dealing with the divorce, I'm also doing my best to keep friendships going, get to the gym as often as possible and keep the family happy.

This is quite a busy week for all of the above and I must say I'm grateful for it. The busier I am, the better as it keeps my mind off things and doesn't allow me to ponder and get too down or overwhelmed.

I've thrown myself into working out at the gym and it's definitely paying off. Not only am I more toned than I've been in years, it's also great for my mind and I just feel so much better. I've also managed to recruit my mom and another girlfriend who's getting divorced to join. With the amazing offer through Discovery Vitality where you only pay the once off R850 and no further monthly subs, one can simply not say no!!

I know the Planet Fitness I go to also have an amazing 'Credit Crunch Offer' where you only pay R59/month for a year contract! This is a really great deal, so if you feel like you need to stay in shape this winter or just want to warm your flab up a bit, then I'd definitely check it out.

Anyway, got this corker from The Fiery One and had to share it with you all:

A Happy Marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple".

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man.

"We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by
horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

"We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I shouted at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you *+%$**£ crazy!?" She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."

And from that moment..... " we have lived happily ever after."

Tee-heee!

And on that note I hope you all have a great day!

Madge

Rocky Horror fun

Yesterday I joined some friends to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Barnyard Theatre in Willowbridge and I must say, we had so much fun! The actor who played Frank 'n Furter was excellent...

Magenta and Columbia were pretty good too and Rocky himself had the most amazing body! I always say that one can never date such a good looking guy, because I have this idea that someone like that will always love themselves much more than they'll ever love you.

Hope you all have a good week!

Madge

It's a sunshine Sunday

Well good morning ya'll although I must say I'm not in the cheeriest of moods after 2 nights of very little sleep. I took the kids to stay at my mom's place for the weekend simply to get away from the atmosphere at home not only for myself but for the kids too - the atmosphere can't be good for them.

Anyway, simply couldn't sleep on Friday night clocking only three hours. I had a nice day though, popped to the gym, went to Builders Warehouse with mom to buy some paint (I offered to paint her inside walls for her as they desperately need it), visited a friend I hadn't seen in a while and went to visit another friend's daughter who is in a clinic.

Last night, however Miss Muffet kept having bad dreams and woke me up a number of times, so not ideal. You reach a stage where you just get grumpy from lack of sleep. Overall though it was a nice break and I got to spend some quality time with my mom too. It was quite obvious though how my stomach tightened up as I was getting closer to home this morning.

Going out to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show this afternoon and really looking forward to it. I'm sure I'll snap out of my mood for that.

Anyway, also been catching up on the comments you guys have been leaving over the weekend and firstly, thanks for your opinions. Secondly, I'd just like to take the opportunity to remind you all that no one is forcing you to read this. I'm using this tool as my personal emotional outlet and as a place where I can vent my anger and frustrations. My friends know they can come and read this to know where I am emotionally and what I'm experiencing without me having to relay the latest detail to them one by one, over and over again.

If you don't like it then please don't torture yourself to read it. The fact that people are spreading the news about this blog because they feel it's entertaining, or can gain some personal strength in knowing that they're in a similar situation, but are not alone is something that I never anticipated and don't have a problem with. I'm not doing this to 'get a pat on the back'. I don't need a pat on the back, although I'm not saying that I don't find it supportive.

On the flip side, as I said before, there are always negative people around, who are out to put others down at every turn. People who can't do anything positive for themselves and can't stand seeing other people deal with life in a way that works for them. Fortunately I don't let these kinds of people get to me because they're simply not worth it. I'm a bigger and better person for it.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy the rest of your weekends.

Madge

A letter

Dear husband,

We've been together for seven years and there have been many good times. I remember meeting you that Sunday afternoon in Covent Garden. You made me blush within minutes of meeting me and we chatted all afternoon. I had a lovely sms from you the next morning and soon after we started dating.

I remember the time I flew back from New York and, although it was late already, I drove straight to your place. You opened a bottle of champagne and we stood on the terrace. Soon after, I moved in with you. Gave all of my furniture to your sister and it was the beginning of the rest of our lives together.

You had a major trust issue given what had happened in your past and I made it my mission to prove to you that you could indeed trust me. I refused to marry you until you were sure that you trusted me 110%.

Two years later we were married in the most beautiful ceremony on a stunning wine farm in Stellenbosch. Family and friends from the UK joined us on this occasion and it was one of the happiest days of my life.

I married a man who made me laugh and made me feel whole and appreciated, who my family and other people liked and a man who had pride. No one ever noticed the vast age difference between us, least of all did we.

Five months later I found out that I was pregnant. I think you were shocked at first, but came round soon enough. You started smoking, but promised to stop once the baby was born. That baby is now four years old - you're still smoking after several such promises...

Times were always tough financially due to you working freelance. My salary would merely cover the basics and on a few occasions I even paid the maintenance due to your ex wife to keep the wolves at bay and took out loans in my name as your credit rating was shot. I never held any of this against you. I did it with love and never gave you a hard time about this and whenever you became depressed I always supported you rather than argue. I supported you 100%! I worked until the day our son was born and started working 4 weeks after his birth - I had to.

I've also had my time of being depressed, I suffered with post-natal depression when our son was born and was in a very bad place. You supported me through this and I was grateful for it.

Then we decided to move to South Africa, to have a better life. If we sold our property in London, we'd be able to afford a large place in a secure environment where we could raise our children in the sun. We wouldn't need as much money to survive and would have a much better quality of life.

Shortly before moving, I fell pregnant again with our little girl. I came over first as you had a great contract and it was better for you to stay behind to finalise matters at the UK end, while I house hunted here and set things up for our new life together.

I went out of my way to set up a good home for you and the kids, to make sure that everything was perfect. I didn't have any friends here, but made an effort to meet people and when I found that I connected with someone, I endeavored to contact them and build friendships.

You tried hard to get work here, but it has been very difficult - it still is. You had to go back to London for months at a time to earn money to take care of us as I was pregnant and couldn't get a job at the time. It was hard for you and for us to not have you around, but you did what you could. You became inward looking and selfish and you no longer made me laugh. It wasn't about 'us' anymore, but you.

I know you loved me, but as time went by the affection faded and became almost non-existent. On several occasions I asked you for some love and romance. Whenever I asked you for a cuddle, you'd merely lift your arm and I'd have to sidle closer upon which you's simply drape your arm down on my shoulder. This was your idea of a cuddle. I'd ask for some romance - it doesn't cost a thing, but it never came my way.

You never arranged anything. Slowly, as time went by it was all down to me to organise the household, take care of the kids, pay the bills, go to work full time and ensure we have a social life. I even ended up trying to make friends for you as you had still not made any of your own friends, but you weren't interested.

I tried to tell you that I was unhappy, that I wanted you to make an effort - many times. You heard me, but you never listened. You would make an effort for a week or two and then soon slipped back into your complacent way, accepting that I would just carry on.

Even your lovemaking was selfish. When I suggested that you gave me a massage to 'get me in the mood' you were all positive and excited that it was such a simple thing to do, yet the massages never happened. All through this I never turned you down even when there was nothing in it for me and on several occasions I would have tears running down my cheeks while you were having your way. You never even noticed.

So complacent were you that when I gave you the option to see a marriage counsellor or get a divorce your reply was: "I'm not seeing a marriage counsellor, it's not worth it". Could you still not see how fed-up I was?? Is this what my marriage had come to? I realised then that I deserved more.

I was a loyal wife who adored you. I would've gone to the end of the earth for you, but apparently I was not worth trying for. My love for you began to wane and when you came up with the suggestion of a Female Led Relationship after Googling the web, I was flummoxed. This was your idea of saving our marriage? I want a man to be my partner and equal. I was already in charge of EVERYTHING. Could you not see that this was exactly what I DIDN'T want? Again, it was about what you wanted.

So, you went to work in London again and I had the necessary head space to realise that our marriage was over and that I would indeed be better off on my own. The kids were happier because daddy wasn't hanging around shouting and being grumpy and I was much more relaxed and happier too. My mind was made up.

It has been a painful process for me. I've been angry and sad, but I've made my peace with the situation. Now I simply want to move on. I don't want to be nasty to you, you don't deserve it and neither do I. I just want you to realise and accept that the fairy tale has come to an end. I don't know whether I'll love someone like I loved you again. I must admit, I'll go into any relationship being very guarded about my emotions. In fact, I can't really imagine having a relationship at this point or in the near future. Right now my concern is about taking care of the kids and ensuring that they are happy and have a smooth transition.

My wish for you is that you will learn from this experience. This is not the first time you've gone through a divorce and your previous marriage ended for similar reasons. You're a good man and you have a lot to give, I know you do. You never smacked me about, you aren't a big drinker and don't filander about, but you have to make these changes for yourself, so you can end up being a happier person in yourself.

I will always love you for who you are.

M

The neighbors on Wisteria Lane

How could I possibly ignore the request from one of my readers (see comment on post below) to share the intrigue and dramas from Wisteria Lane. This reader impressed me immensely by correctly guessing that a certain neighbor was involved in the other comments from the previous post. Hats off!!

Anyway, I've enjoyed living here. It's great for the kids, who come and go through unlocked front doors and play in the streets on their bikes all day long - just the way we used to do back in the day.

There's an interesting mix of people who live here though, from retired doctors to professionals, the gay dentist and lovely lesbian couple, ex Springbok and single mom with all her kids, along with the quiet black family and then the people who just make you ask: "How the hell did you ever get here?" Wisteria Lane sure has it all.

With it being a small estate, everyone knows everyone and though this can be nice, it can also be a real pain in the arse, especially when everyone also knows your business. Any gossip travels like wild fire and with that always comes the little tail added at the end.

Overall this is a very peaceful little community. Fortunately there's few people who I don't get on with or dislike and I know the feeling is mutual. There are, of course, one or two couples who just get EVERYONE's backs up and as you might guess, a certain neighbor falls smack bang into that category, which merely makes it all the more laughable - and boy have we been laughing!

I must admit I'll really miss living here once the house sells. Apart from it being a great home, the people (well, most of them) are great and the kids love being able to play outside with the other children all day long, but I know that I will be happy wherever I may go, because it is one's attitude that matters at the end of the day. Believe you'll be happy and that is indeed how it will be.

Should I move to another complex from here, there will no doubt be another arsehole to deal with, but the best way of dealing with these types of people are to avoid them altogether. It's like any office setup, there's always some fishwife or nob who goes out of their way to make the other employees' lives difficult.

I'll never forget what one of the housewives always used to say: "Complex living is complex".

Madge

The caring husband

I've been thinking a lot about the pathetic counter-offer made by STBEH and his shark lawyer. The reason why I think this lawyer is a shark is because he's obviously not representing STBEH very well due and through his ill-advice. He's merely pocketing the cash that STBEH seems to be so willing to part with.

Anyway, what astounds me is that this man was so upset over the weekend when I told him, yet again, that it was obvious that he wasn't ever going to change to become the caring and loving person that I want in my life and now he's even confirmed this on paper.

The fact that he merely wants to give me a payout that is a measly third of what I should rightly receive is what astounds me most of all. This is a man who wants to ensure the wellbeing of his children?? I beg your pardon??

Furthermore from the man who my family BEG me not to leave Miss Muffet alone with overnight because he hasn't bonded with her and they feel he doesn't give her the love, care and attention that a 2-year old requires. Now, I don't think he's that incapable of looking after her, but they have a point to an extent. He's just not interested.

Yet again, it's been proven that everything in his life revolves around him. As long as he's ok, then f*ck the rest. You'll go a long way!

Madge