I'm married to a joke!

Well, I've finally had a response from STBEH's lawyer with regards to my settlement proposal. It would seem that they agree with most points, except with the house. Apparently 'he' owns the house and will merely pay me a comical figure upon finalisation of the divorce, at which date the children and I need to move out and he will stay in the house.

I have to say, I laughed out loud when I read the letter, because the reality is that we own the house 50/50 and are married in community of goods, so whether he likes it or not, I get 50%! I really don't know what his lawyer is on to even make this suggestion. We all know how it works and for STBEH to even THINK I'll accept it?! What an idiot!!! Just a little bit more respect down the drain - and to be honest there's not a lot left...

This just proves to me that the REAL reason for STBEH not wanting to get divorced is because of his concern for his personal financial situation. He doesn't give a stuff for me or the kids (even if we end up with EXACTLY the same). He actually expects me and the kids to find a home with his measly payout offer! Shove it sideways up your arse (I'm sure you'll love it) and I'll be seeing you in court!

Did I mention I've lost even more respect for him?

Madge

Broken sleep

I've been struggling a little bit with my sleeping pattern. It seems that my brain doesn't switch off properly when I'm trying to sleep and I've been having a spate of dreams. The dreams all seem quite realistic and I end up in a sub-conscious state where I'm semi-aware of what's going on, but also finishing the dream, as if I'm trying to make up the end of it. Very weird.

This, in turn, leaves me very tired during the day, which I don't really like. Funny thing is that when I try to sleep in the afternoon as I did over the weekend, the dreams only continue.

I've had a letter from my lawyer to say that they've had a response from STBEH's team and now I'm waiting for the scanned version to hit my inbox. Will let you know the outcome shortly.

Anyway, got these two crackers from The Fiery One and simply had to share them (click on the image to enlarge it):

An actual ad posted in the Auto Trader

And I'll leave you with a question: What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?

Answer: A crazy bitch who WILL find you!

Madge x

I love sushi

It's been a really good weekend for me overall. I went out with The Fiery One on Friday night to Bloemendal wine farm for their Shanks and Shiraz evening with live band, The Stremes playing their music.

The Stremes doing their thang!

What was most entertaining about the whole evening was the table next to ours where this guy and his wife/girlfriend were sitting. It was obviously a booking for six people, but the other four didn't show and this couple were sitting opposite each other and hardly spoke a word to each other all evening.

Towards the end of the evening 'mommy' started to give 'daddy' lots of kak with a load of finger wagging and then she'd hold the glass to the side of her face so we couldn't see what she was saying. Well, we were in absolute hysterics as we were making up our own versions of this conversation as you can imagine a group of people doing after a significant amount of wine...

Funny thing is that it wasn't just our table who were finding that particular table so entertaining!

On Saturday it was The Banker's birthday. He organized for us to watch the Boks v Lions game at a private cinema at a local sound equipment shop, E-Piphany and after that, back to their home to continue the celebrations. They extended the invite to STBEH, but it was ultimately MY decision whether to relay the invitation to him, which I did and it was all ok.

We did have a bit of drama back at home though when he started to cry on my shoulder and told me how much he loved me, that he would change and how great I was, etc. The usual stuff. I did tell him though, that for a man who is trying to win someone back his actions weren't speaking the same language as he hasn't been consistent in his behaviour to show that he has REALLY changed and that this was the main reason why I wasn't prepared to reconsider my decision. I KNOW he will NEVER change.

Today was really chilled as Miss Muffet went to stay with Ouma for the weekend. She's at that super-clingy age where it's mommy, or nothing and I have to say it gets pretty draining at the best of times. So, this morning I stayed in bed playing sudoku and reading my book until 11:00!!! I can't remember the last time I stayed in bed till that time. It was great!

Took Bradley to the Spur for a milkshake at lunch time and then came back home for a nice afternoon nap. Then since I'd been craving sushi all week, decided to go to La Romantica for their Sunday evening 40% off sushi deal. It was excellent and now I'm feeling decidedly stuffed! It's only been a fairly recent thing that I've discovered the joys of sushi and now I can honestly say that I love it! Just a touch of wasabi and some ginger, dip it in the soya sauce and we're good to go. Yummy, scrummy!

Anyway, this can well be an interesting week as I'll find out whether STBEH has signed the settlement proposal or not as the summons will be issued either way, but if he hasn't signed it, then I'll have to prepare myself to take this matter to court. Not a nice thought, but one that may well become a reality. I'll let you know!

Hope you all have a great week.

Madge x

Goodbye Jacko!

How could I not dedicate a post (well, part of one) to Michael Jackson, who, as I'm sure you already know, passed away yesterday at the age of 50. It's been so great listening to all of his classics on the radio.

Michael was a true inspiration to us all and many of us grew up with the 'King of Pop' in our homes. His sad physical transformation and strange ideas, let alone his penchant for entertaining small boys cast such a dark shadow over the life of this talented artist. You will be remembered for many years to come as one of the greats! Rest in peace Michael.

Went out last night for a few drinks and had a great time. It was exactly what the doctor ordered. Thanks to The Writer!

I did want to mention that we ended up in a bar in Durbanville called the Corner Bar where they have open mike sessions for aspiring rock bands every Thursday evening. A great crowd of people were there to listen to the talent on display, though the group that stood out for me was called the Jack Stone band. They did a great set and really impressed everyone. Nice one guys!

Jack Stone in action.

Still contemplating whether to go out tonight with The Fiery One. Since I had the kids all of last weekend, I think it should be ok for me to do whatever I like, but as we all know it's never quite that simple...

Tomorrow I'll be watching the rugby with a group of people for a friend's birthday, so looking forward to that.

Anyway, that's all from me for now. I hope you all have a great weekend and may the Boks kick some Lion butt tomorrow!

Madge

Just what I need!

Or NOT, as the case may be. Decided to do my good deed for the day last night, by going to the local town hall to donate blood. Once there, they tested my haemoglobin levels (iron) and it turns out I'm anaemic.

I must say, I find this quite odd as I follow a healthy diet and exercise regularly, but then again, with all the stress and everything else going on, you just don't know what can go wrong in your body.

I've never had this problem before, but I've heard that iron replacement tabs can wreak havoc with your body, making you very constipated. I have definitely been a bit more tired than normal, but have been putting it down to all the stress and tension at home.

Anyway, they've taken a sample and will write to me with the results from this, so let's hope there's no underlying reason for this. I really don't need to worry about my health on top of everything else right now.

Here's a funny story:

While baking pancakes last night, I remembered a trip STBEH and I made to the local Municipal offices to sort something out. We both had to provide our ID books and while we were filling in the form, the lady behind the counter took copies of these ID's.

Upon her return, we were still filling in the form and she obviously looked at the birth dates on her copy and said, "Oh, so you're father and daughter". I almost cracked up! STBEH immediately said "Nice" and retorted that we were husband and wife and so the lady said "Oh, it's just because you look so alike". Dig, dig, dig, DIG.... The whole was getting bigger...

STBEH and I look NOTHING alike! Anyway, neither of us said anything and after a little while this woman continued to say, "Yes, you really look very alike", by which time I was just wishing she'd shut the f*ck up and I'm sure STBEH was thinking exactly the same thing!

It reminded me of the time when we were still living in London. One weekend we popped into Metropolis Motorcycles in Vauxhall and I noticed that STBEH was eyeing up some kit, so the next week I returned to buy him some bits for his birthday.

The assistant said, "Weren't you here this weekend with your dad?". It really made me laugh. I must say that although STBEH is 22 years older than me, he looks a lot younger, so we didn't often have these kinds of comments, which is why I find it really funny when someone does say something.

Still waiting anxiously to hear back from my lawyer, but I suppose I've waited for so long that another day won't make a huge difference.

Take care
Madge

One for our Afrikaans readers

Greetings from a very cold Cape Town. It looks as if the storms have settled for the time being, but I'm sure it's probably only temporary. One thing is for sure, it's pretty damn cold! These houses are just not built to deal with the winter.

I got this great cartoon from The Fiery One recently and had to share it:

So true!

I've been Googling the Rocky Horror Picture show for images on the costumes they wore as I've been invited to go and see the show at the Barnyard Theatre at Willowbridge and we're all dressing up. I'm really excited about this, so will be working on an outfit.

I also got another funny email from the IT Guru recently, but apologise to my non-Afrikaans readers as it just won't be as funny if I were to translate them:

Ware mediese aantekeninge op hospitaalkaarte in 'n hospitaal in Mpumalanga:

1. Sy het nie saamtrekkings of koors nie, maar haar man se sy was gisteraand warm in die bed.
2. Pasient het borspyn as sy vir langer as 'n jaar op haar linkersy le.
3. Op die 2de dag was die knie beter, op die 3de dag het dit verdwyn.
4. Die pasient is hartseer en huil aanhoudend. Dit lyk of sy ook depressief is.
5. Die pasient is depressief sedert sy my in 1993 begin sien het.
6. Ontslagstatus: Lewendig maar sonder my toestemming.
7. Die pasient het 'n outopsie geweier.
8. Die pasient het geen geskiedenis van selfmoord nie.
9. Die pasient het sy witbloedselle by 'n ander hospitaal gelos.
10. Hy het oor die laaste 3 dae net 40kg opgetel.
11. Sy is verlam van haar tone af ondertoe.
12. Die vel was droog en klam.
13. Die pasient het wafels vir ontbyt en 'n anoreksia vir middagete gehad.
14. Hy lyk gesond vir 69. Verstandelik skerp maar vergeetagtig.
15. Het by tye konstante ongereelde hoofpyn.
16. Rektale inspeksie het normale grootte skildklier getoon.
17. Sy was vir die grootste deel van haar lewe hardlywig totdat sy geskei is.
18. Albei borste is eenders en reageer op lig en akkommodasie.
19. Die vel is ietwat bleek maar teenwoordig.
20. Pasient het 2 tienerkinders maar geen ander abnormaliteite nie.

At first you'd think that it is amazing that professional, educated people can write these types of comments, however I can honestly say that I have seen copy written by 'professional copywriters' that can quite easily be added to this list! Shocking! Although, without it, who would we laugh at?!

On the home front I don't have much to report really. I'm now simply waiting to hear back from my lawyer as I'm sure there'll be something in response to STBEH's visit to his lawyer yesterday, so let's see.

Madge

Let's see what happens next

Helloooo all!

How's this weather in Cape Town? Gales and rain and icy temperatures. I suppose it is winter after all, so we can't complain too much. I just got home from the gym and had to time my exit from the building very nicely so as not to get caught in one of the showers, but at least I'm a little bit warmer now with my circulation going again!

Well, I think STBEH FINALLY went to see his lawyer this afternoon. He didn't tell me where he was going, but told me that he was going out and judging by his foul mood I'm assuming a visit to his legal advisor.

I don't understand the foul mood though. It's not like anything has hit him by surprise?! All I can think is that the lawyer advised him to sign my offer and run fast because it's a very fair deal. Too fair me thinks!

Thing is that if he doesn't agree and we end up having to settle in court, the judge will most likely award me more than what I'm asking for in the first place, because of the fact that I've tried to do things in a fair way and if STBEH's lawyer is any good he'll advise him to this effect rather than think of his own pocket and let it go to court only to end up costing his client a small fortune.

Anyway, I'm sure there'll be another blow-up judging by his mood. I'm just going to do my own thing and try to stay out of his way as far as I can, because I really can't deal with yet another argument.

On that note, I'm off to run a bath for the kids and I, so until tomorrow!

Madge

"Drop the attitude"

Well, I got the work done that I had to do, sent my lawyer a long letter and getting the summons sorted out.

Let me tell you a little story:

When we moved to SA from London two and a half years ago, we decided to just buy one car between the two of us as STBEH would be travelling to the UK for long periods of time and since I was pregnant and not working, we managed absolutely fine with just the one car.

Once I'd started working it was still not a major problem as we'd manage to do things somehow and if he needed the car in the day, I'd catch a lift to work with a colleague and then STBEH went away to London again for three and a half months.

So, when he came back to deal with the divorce, I suggested that we sell the car and buy two smaller/cheaper cars instead. This he fought about to the end of the world! He simply refused to sell the car and said we should rather just buy a cheap runaround for local trips.

Now, the reality is that the car is registered in my name and used to be my dad's car. He sold it to us at a very good price as he was about to upgrade. We paid cash for a beautiful BMW 525i.

I even went so far as to have it put in writing by my lawyer that we should sell the car and split the cash, but he never wanted to do it and forbade me to sell the car. For some reason, I ,yet again, obliged.

This morning, however, he tells me that he thinks it's a good idea to sell the car!! The thing is that over the weekend, I'd decided that I wasn't going to sell the car and I wasn't going to give him the 50% split value either. It's MY car after all.

So, I would like to post a question to you readers, do you think I should be NICE, sell the car and give him 50% or should I just keep what's mine and let him deal with it??

It's exactly the same as the whole marriage situation. For a year I tried talking to him, tried to work at the marriage and make an effort only to be ignored. Now that I'm serious, he's trying to pull all the stops out to try and make things work, but it's too late.

The same with the car. For two and a half months I tried to convince him to sell the car and split the income, but still he refused. Now that he's starting to see the light, he's pushing to get it sold, however now I'm not sure I want to do that anymore.

Oh yes, and I'm being lectured about my attitude! Just because I'm angry and frustrated he's trying to tell me to "Calm down". At no point since I've been back have I shouted, sworn or kicked up a fuss, especially not in front of the kids. I would speak to him, but am hardly going to be kind and warm. Why should I???

So, after telling me about six times to "drop the attitude", I warned him that if he said anything about my attitude again, the conversation was over. Needless to say, about two sentences later, the word 'attitude' came up and I left the room.

I'm not interested in anything he has to say anymore. It's all a load of bullshit anyway, merely designed to stall things. I'm not falling for it any longer.

On a funny, or perhaps I shall call it a 'cringe-worthy' note, I went to a Pilates class this morning at the gym and there was a woman with a proper 80's style thong leotard on!!! I almost burst out laughing and couldn't believe my eyes.

I tried to find something similar looking on Google images, but it must still be one she got off her mom from the 80's because even Google refuses to rape our sensitive eyes with that kind of imagery. Oh, and did I mention it was a zebra print?!

The pain!!

Madge

What a weekend

Well, I'm back at Wisteria Lane tonight. It was a tough decision to make whether to come back or stay away, but ultimately it came down to the responsibility of work. I tried to do as much as I could at Mom's place, but without having access to the internet I was rather limited.

It's also very difficult to take the kids out of their home environment as it's very disruptive to them let alone hard to entertain them.

While trying to do some work this afternoon, Miss Muffet fell asleep on my lap:


Bless!! She came to sit on my lap and next thing I knew she gently rested her little head on my arm as I was typing and fell asleep to the classical music from my iTunes.

Anyway, question is, what to do now? Well, first thing in the morning I'm speaking to my lawyer and getting the summons drawn up to kick this into touch once and for all.

Then I think I'm going to have to have a word with STBEH about him moving out. It's simply not an option for me to move out of the house with the kids and it will be much simpler if he rented something somewhere. It's very disruptive to them to be away from their home, however it's also very upsetting for them to be here with all of the fighting going on, especially since STBEH seems to ALWAYS pick the fights when the kids are around.

I'll admit, I shouldn't bite at it, and often don't, but sometimes you just can't help yourself. I'm only human after all... (there's a song in there...) The Killers - how apt?!

Also forgot to mention that I received a letter from STBEH's mother in the post on Friday asking me to reconsider. It seems she's completely unaware of the real reason for me wanting this divorce, but fortunately she's opened up the door for me to respond and I'll be able to tell her exactly what has been going on.

I'd love to know what he's been telling his family in the UK. I haven't had any contact with any of them for some time after his one brother proceeded to call me 'stubborn' a number of times in one conversation. I thought it would be better to keep my distance as they should rather support him and can't do it both ways.

Anyway, gotta get on with my work now, so will no doubt update you all very soon.

Madge x

Goodbye Wisteria Lane

Things at Wisteria Lane came to yet another blow last night when STBEH decided to question my mothering skills... Apparently I need to take responsibility for the children as a parent, because I'm 'never' there.

Now, you can call me many things and I couldn't give a flying f*ck, but call me a bad mother and you've SERIOUSLY overstepped the mark. Things went seriously out of control when I lost the plot and without going into too much detail I'll merely say that STBEH took my car key, the front door key and wouldn't let me have the key to the safe where my wedding and engagement rings have been since March along with our passports.

I wish he would just f*ck off now back to the UK, since that's his plan anyway. I'll sell the house and the lawyers will transfer his money to him. Just piss off out of my life and that of the children because you don't deserve us.

I'm now staying at my mom's place while she's away in Jo'burg, but anticipate staying there for a while especially considering the schools are closing for a few weeks. I just can't do it anymore living with someone who I'm fast beginning to loathe.

His whole spieel of accepting the divorce is all a load of bull and now I feel I've done everything in my power to do it amicably, but obviously he's incapable of this as he's also incapable of most other things.

He's had the consent letter for my settlement suggestions for over six weeks now and has the gall to tell me I'm pressuring him! Thing is, the amicable settlement I've proposed is no longer going to be that amicable.

What amazes me most of all is how he still believes he can salvage this marriage, but his actions are that of someone who is super-destructive. Please excuse the rant, but this is pure anger and frustration coming out after a sleepless night.

To top it off I need to do work over the weekend, which is not an easy task when you don't have anyone to help with the kids, they're not in their own environment and have limited toys and worst of all, there's no DSTV or DVD player at mom's house.

Thanks to some good friends who are helping me out for a couple of hours, I'll hopefully get stuff done, because someone needs to earn money to keep the kids fed and clothed.

Not sure what to do about Fathers Day tomorrow. I can't be bothered to drive the half an hour to Wisteria Lane and don't really think he deserves it either. Why be nice just to get kicked in the teeth - AGAIN! Flip-side is I can drop the kids with him for a few hours and do some work, so there might be something in it for me. I'll decide, but it's not looking very favourable for him at this stage.

Thought I'd just mention that since he felt the urge to hide sets of keys from me, I decided to play the game and removed the ethernet cable from the modem, so he's stuffed and can't Skype, phone or use the internet until such time as I tell him where it is. Malicious?? Too bloody right.

Family in the UK: I've tried to do it the nice way. I've given him time and a lot of patience. I've done my best. His actions have got him where he is today. At no point did I ever give him false hope, but this time he's gone too far.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and this woman has been scorned one time too many.

Madge

What to do this weekend...

It's Friday lunchtime and I've realized that I have absolutely no plans for the weekend... This is a very depressing thought to say the least!

Just listening to the Lily Allen tune 'Not Fair'. It really makes me larff so much. Her lyrics are absolutely brilliantly written and I think she's a very talented young artist. What I like most of all is that she's honest and real. Keep the clever tunes coming hun. Check out the video for 'Not Fair' below:

Had an email from the Fiery One today with the following:

WHY MEN SHOULD NOT WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work
leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't
driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and
the car shuddered to a halt.
I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I
couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour's
daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbour's daughter is
22. We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been
having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I
would leave him. He was sacked from his job six months ago and he says
he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him
very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become
increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I
can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

******************************

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and
hoses on the intake manifold and also check all battery grounding wires. If
none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel
pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

Walter

Hmmmm, well at least she'll be able to sort out her car, eh?!

If anyone has ideas for things to do this weekend other than watch the big Boks v Lions game, please do let me know!

Madge

A storming brain!

From a five and a half long brainstorm session! Yes, I must say, I've never before had such a long session and though we got there in the end, it was very tiring.

I think I'm fully recovered from Monday night's party, so at least have the energy, but since I left home this morning having just eaten a rust, anticipating the brainstorm meeting to be about two hours long from 10:00. By the time we finished at 15:30 I was totally famished to the point of having the shakes.

Drove straight to the nearest Steers and bought my favorite King Steer Burger. Then stopped by mom's place to water her plants while she's visiting Ouma in Jo'burg and then on to meet the woman whose biography I'm writing for an info-gathering session.

I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I've been asked to write this lady's story, which is, well, quite moving from being abducted as a small child to being raped, smacked about, turning to prostitution and additionally becoming a drug addict, she has made it through to the other side, is now clean and working hard to get her life back.

It is a very draining project for both of us, but one that I feel will also help us both. For her, to reach closure on many of her issues and for me to help me deal with my own situation more from a 'My life is actually not that bad' kind of way and to have a diversion and challenge while all of this is going on around me.

I think most of us live such blinkered lives and don't have a clue about what's going on in the big wide world out there. Or maybe we're just turning a blind eye to these things? Either way, I'm very excited about this project. I've never written a book, so am doing my research into this. Quite a difference from my usual advertising/marketing lark and the poetry/song writing that I've done so far, but I think the story will lend itself to my writing abilities and am feeling very confident about it all, so let's see what happens. Any publishers out there who are interested in the story, give me a shout!

So, now I'm done for the day, got the emails out that I had to do and even made time to update TITL. And now, singing off with a pic that made me chuckle:

Knackered!

Madge

Realising my strength

Well, after much sleep I'm feeling somewhat rested today, though not quite on form yet. Fortunately things at Wisteria Lane have been really good, considering the situation and STBEH and I seem to be getting along without arguing or tension - for now...

This whole divorce ordeal has, however made me stand back and evaluate myself as a person and amongst other things, I've realized just how strong I am as a person. I've always been the kind of person who doesn't struggle to much to make a decision, but also, once that decision is made, I'm confident enough to follow it through and rarely, if ever went back on that.

Some people may say that I'm stubborn as my brother-in-law did, which I think is very hurtful and inaccurate. Just because someone sticks to their decision, doesn't mean to say that they're being difficult!

I'm not a cold and insensitive person, but rather one who knows what she wants from life and will go out there do what I need to do in order to get it. I don't just sit back and wait for things to happen. I make them happen.

Selfish? Yeah, I've become so over the past few months. Though not in a malicious or nasty way which will hurt others. Unfortunately getting divorced is hurtful, I'll admit and if I could have done it differently, I would've, in fact, I tried my utmost to do it differently.

Oh well. I'm proud of who I am and of the person I've turned out to be and to those out there who think I'm cold and calculated, please try to get to know me first before making any further assumptions. You might just find that I'm one of the nicest people you've met.

Madge

A rocking set by a legend!

Last night was one of the best party nights I've had in an extremely long time. Myself and the Hairdresser didn't know what we were letting ourselves in for, although we had an idea that it would be something between out of this world and f*ck me this is mind blowing!

Anyway, after parking a mile away and navigating through mud in torrential rain (no, I'm not overreacting one single bit), we finally got to the venue and already it was quite full.

By the time Master Armin started his set, the place was absolutely heaving and from here the party simply rocked! Time upon time, he just managed to lift the crowd into an even higher state of euphoria, people shouting, jumping up and down and pretty much besides themselves as the music took them on a rollercoaster ride beyond anyone's imagination.

I think what also made the difference was that Armin himself was so totally into it. Kept jumping up and down as if he, too, was a part of the crowd and being swept away in the floods of base and techno beats.

I have to take a moment to mention the idiot who tried to take a call on his cellphone right in the middle of the dancefloor - uh, so, how much of that conversation did you hear, dude?

The other thing that kept boggling my mind was the VIP areas and why one would actually want to pay the premium merely to sit far away from the stage?? I must say, I would've been totally pissed off if I'd paid extra and hardly even made use of the facility of having a comfy sofa to sit on when I never once actually sat down.

Anyway, Armin van Buuren, you totally rock and I know for sure I'll be buying your album at my next visit to the music store.

I have to spare a last word for James G, the DJ who's set followed the main event. James, it was a tough act to follow and was a bit nervous for you in the beginning, but I think you pulled it out of the hat beautifully, well done.

I'm sorry I don't have any photos for you as I left my cellphone in the car - somehow these kinds of things always seem to get nicked at these places. Next time though!

Madge x

A night away

It seems like ages since I've last posted and apologies to those of you who've thought I've disappeared off the face of the earth...

Anyway, I've just been very busy with life overall. I went away for a night this weekend with some friends just for a mini-break from Wisteria Lane and the kids. Miss Muffet is at the very super-clingy phase and this can get extremely tiring and draining, so I needed the break, although I reckon I could've done with an extra night away.

The flip-side is that I'm going out again tonight to the fabulous God's Kitchen featuring Armin van Buuren gig at the Bellville Velodrome. I'm so stoked about this as I haven't been to anything like this for absolutely ages and I think it's going to be a real stonker of a night!

I still don't know what I'm going to wear, but will take a couple of outfits to my friend, the Hairdresser's for her approval.

Not sure what state I'll be in tomorrow, but if I'm in any state to write a post, I'll let you know how it was!

Cheerio
Madge x

Yes, I know...

I've had a few glasses of wine, but this is when I can be at my most honest. I feel lonely, abandoned and confused. I'm embarking on this massive thing where I don't know what's lying ahead of me.

I'm not sure which decision to make. STBEH is pissed off because I've told him I'm going to deliver the summons due to his fucking around for time, which isn't worth while. I'm not exactly changing my mind. Thing what you like. I've been dealing with this for over 6 months and need to move on, just because he has only been 'aware' of it for the past 2 months is NOT my problem. The shit started a long time ago!!!


GET WITH THE PROGRAMME - IT'S OVER!!!

WOW! A few drinks tend to help. I've been invited away for the long weekend with some neighbors and am very tempted to take them up on the offer, so will let you know tomorrow which decision I've taken, but what is working on my nerves is the fact that my mom and the Fiery One don't want me to leave Miss Muffet (MM) with STBEH.

The reality is that he hasn't bonded with MM at all. He's made no effort and though she's slowly starting to show affection towards him it's not exactly what it should be. Problem is that I really need the break and also he really needs to get used to having the kids on his own for a whole weekend! So, what do I do?!

Answer: I don't bloody know!!! I really want the break, so want to get away on my own. The atmosphere at Wisteria Lane has been hard core and we're not talking the erotic kind... If only...

I suppose the best idea is to sleep on it as I've told my friends I'd do. So, I'll give ya'll the answer on the morrow.

Sweet dreams...
M x

The F*ckee or The F*ckor

I tried posting earlier, but had a few troubles. Anyway, seems to be sorted out now. Had an email from the Crazy Chick saying that there hasn't been anything saucy on TITL of late. That, my dear darling, is because there hasn't been much drama on the home front recently.

I can however report that I will now be going ahead with the summons. Up to now, I've given STBEH about 5 weeks with the same settlement agreement and he's still not come back to me with any amendments or changes, however he's also not signing it either, so since I can't force him to do this, the court can. And he'll have a maximum of ten days in which to sign it.

It would've been the next step anyway and in some ways I regret not getting this done sooner, but this is me yet again trying to do things in the more amicable way only for him to mess me about. The reality is that I'm sick of sitting around and waiting and just want to get the bloody-hell on with it!

Other than that I heard a really good saying the other day and it's made me ask that question of myself: Am I the Fuckee or the Fuckor? A bit of both, me thinks. The thing is, I'm not exactly going to come out of this whole thing unscathed.

Reality: I'm going to be a single woman with 2 kids - not exactly appealing to many single men.

Reality: I'm going to have to scale down from a rather flashy big house on a golf estate to something a lot smaller/less nice.

Reality: It's not going to be f*cking easy!

In this instance it turns out I'm the F*ckee...

However some would say I'm the F*ckor due to the fact that I'm actually the one wanting to get divorced and not reconsidering. See, the thing is, if I don't do it, I'll be the F*ckee! And in more ways than one, I'll be f*cked for life as the reality is I'll never be truly happy.

Madge

Banging your head against a brick wall

That's what it feels like to have to repeat the same message over and over AND OVER again. Thankfully I'm a very patient person, but how much further my patience will stretch I really don't know.

Anyway, the Project Manager sent me this link to an article (more like a novel) about the state of things in Dubai. I've always wanted to visit this Emirate as I've heard so many wonderful stories about it, but reading this article has really enlightened me.

Though I'm sure a lot of the magic is still there, I think there's most certainly a dark undertone and will be interested to see what will happen to this city in the near future.

Dubai skyline at night. Beautiful!

Madge

Weird websites

While checking my Twitter updates, I came across a Tweet from the infamous Perez Hilton(not to be confused with Paris Hilton) with the link to an article on a site called '18 More of the World's Most Disturbing Sex Toys' and boy-oh-boy was I, ermmm, shall I say amused?

Again I ask: "Why, why, WHY?"

Another interesting site I recently heard about from the Golf Estate Mommy is Urban Dictionary. This 'enlightening' site is crammed full of slang sayings and text abbreviations for example:

IFLML
Stands for: I F*cking Love My Life
In context: "Man fml, I lost my phone, wait no, it was just under my bed. IFLML."

Ummmm, yes, so forget the good ol' fashioned Oxford Dictionary next time you need to check the meaning of a word. This site is obviously the place to be... if you want to sound like a retard...

Lastly, got this really funny cartoon from The Writer today and simply had to share it with you lot.

Whaaaaaaaahahahahaha!

Madge

Release me

I'm loving the song 'Release Me' by Agnes (see music video below). It's just such a feel-good track and probably just says what I feel right now.

I'm just loving the sunshine at the moment with a rather respectable 23 degrees maximum temperature for Cape Town considering it's supposed to be the middle of winter... And it's forecast to stay like this until the weekend. Bonus!

Life's pretty good right now, well, I use the word 'good' fairly loosely, but things seem to be happening on many fronts for me, so in the grand scheme of things I'm fairly happy. Let's hope it lasts.

Madge x

A busy week lies ahead

Well, well, well, I hope you've all had nice weekends. Mine was not too bad. I went to stay with The Fiery One on her boutique wine farm with my Mom and the kids. It was all very chilled and pleasant and really nice to be out of Wisteria Lane's tense atmosphere (yes, it's tense even when things are ok).

The only thing is that I didn't sleep well at all. I had the kids in the room with me and they just didn't stop fidgeting all night long. Took Miss Muffet to a party on Saturday morning and gave Prince Charming to STBEH.

Saturday evening we had the Pyjamas & Pearls dinner party, which was a huge load of fun. We were 7 ladies and after having a fair bit of wine, started to play hilarious party games involving tooth picks, animals and dodgy diseases...

Oh yes, I thought I'd mention that I received the letter from STBEH's lawyer on Friday afternoon shortly before leaving. It really did make me laugh. Apparently it seems, STBEH feels that the marriage HAS'T irretrievably broken down and has instructed his lawyer to write to my representation to this effect. The suggestion was that we attend marriage counselling as STBEH is STILL (YES, STILL) convinced that the marriage can be saved.

Now, I'm not a lawyer, so don't have an expert opinion on any of this, however as my lawyer pointed out, legally, if one party feels it has broken down irretrievably, then this is the case. So, it would seem that STBEH has ended up with lawyers, who either don't know what they're on about or are mere sharks and are simply playing along so they can milk him - you decide.

Funny thing is that we used this law firm before when we were purchasing the house. They were supposed to set up a very standard legal document for us, which they managed to cock up twice!!! You do the math...

The question I'd like to pose to all of you today is: At what point do you think STBEH will realize and accept it's all over? What more can I do to make this sink in?

Right, I'm off now, have a few things to get on with before going to a client meeting which will keep me occupied all afternoon.

Enjoy the week!
Madge x

Anger and Resentment v Guilt

I'm sorry to bring things down on this cold and wet Friday, but then again, TITL is about reality and sometimes reality is crap.

Last night I was very sad and emotional. Who knew that watching Top Billing could upset someone as much as it did me, but I think I've worked out the reason for this - they're always showing weddings where the couple are madly in love and tell the audience how they'll be together forever.

I genuinely hope that they will be, but I think it just got to me last night, because it made me think back to my wedding day when I was convinced I was getting married to this man for the rest of my life. I was so in love and thought we were such a great match.

You know, there's something that I still question and I'm not saying this has anything to do with my current situation, but I must say I found it odd... When I came walking down the isle, he never looked back to see me. He was facing the front all the time until I was standing next to him. What does this mean or am I just being silly? Perhaps he was just nervous or something, but I really do find it odd.

In her recent email to me the Ex Wife said that she felt very guilty at the time for splitting up their family and did for quite some time afterwards. The strange thing is that I really don't feel any guilt at all. I know in my heart of hearts how hard I tried to make this work. I know that I thought this through extensively and that I'm doing the right thing, not only for myself, but also for my children.

What I do feel, however, is immense anger and resentment. I'm angry because he let this happen. I'm resentful that I've been put in this situation in the first place and now I, in turn, have to suffer with the consequences of divorce and raising 2 children on my own.

What is making me most angry of all is his inability to accept that I no longer love him and actually want this all to end. By him denying this, he's not only making his own life miserable, but also mine and indirectly the kids' too. By dragging this whole saga on as he is doing, he's doing more harm than good, because my anger is growing and festering like a sore.

I simply can't be nice to him anymore, because as soon as I drop my guard, he does something to upset or hurt me again, so now I can only resort to being hard and cold. This in turn is eating me alive as it's just not in my nature to be like this.

So, what do I do? I honestly don't know. I really can't get rid of this anger until I know for sure he's at least accepted what's happening and we're moving things along with regards to the divorce. I suppose I'm just going to have to stick it out and hope he reaches the crucial point of acceptance very soon, because I don't see things getting any better until then.

OK, I'll try to lighten things up now. I won't be posting over the weekend as I'm off to stay with The Fiery One who's husband has gone hunting this weekend. She's organized a dinner for a bunch of ladies at The Farm for Saturday and the theme is 'Pyjamas and Pearls'. I'm really looking forward to the break away from the atmosphere at Wisteria Lane and to just chilling and relaxing.

Other than that I hope you all have a great weekend and for those of you going to the Whacky Wine Weekend in Robertson, have a great time and don't forget to take your brollies!

Madge x

Hitler cats

Hi on this rather chilly and wet day. I hope you're all keeping warm and healthy. I've got a minor throat infection and sound rather sexy this morning in an I'm-about-to-lose-my-voice kinda husky way, but nothing too serious.

I'm a huge fan of Graham Norton and when a friend pointed out that his show airs on the BBC Entertainment channel every week night at 22:30 (DSTV 120), I've been watching it religiously.

I had such a chuckle at last night's show with Eddie Izzard, a transvestite comedy act and Harry Shearer who is the voice behind several of The Simpsons characters like Mr. Burns, Principal Skinner, Dr. Julius Hibbert and Ned Flanders, to name a few.

Although the guests were extremely interesting, what made really made me laugh was the segment about Cats That Look Like Hitler! This site is dedicated to, well, cats that look like Hitler! Mainly these cats have a little black mark under their noses, which represents the famous Hitler moustache (as seen below), also known as the Toothbrush Moustache as flaunted by others like Charlie Chaplin and Sam Waldron (the mobile shop owner in Postman Pat). (I know, really random!)

Or a more recent version that's been floating around the internet...

Hee-hee-hee!

I personally think it's really funny. As a cat-lover myself I don't really see the point of it, but then I don't feel it's offensive either. At the end of the day it's like any website and I say this even of TITL, if you don't like it, it's as easy as a click to navigate away from the page, but if you do check out the site, do yourself a favor and check out the section titled 'We HATE kitlers' - highly entertaining.

Now, just to navigate away from the whole moustache thingy, I mentioned that Sam Waldron from Postman Pat fame also had a toothbrush moustache and found this rather amusing little clip whilst doing some research.

Note: 'You get to see Postman Pat having a pretty bad day. (Strong language. Warning sensitive viewers you may get shocked by the explicit contents.)'

Oh how we larfff!

Madge x

The ex-wife speaks up

Yes, you read it right. It turns out that STBEH contacted her for a chat and I've subsequently had a long and very informative email from her, which basically echo's everything I've been feeling so far, but also explains a little bit more about what went wrong there. Funny thing is, I could've written that email (well not all of it, but from what went wrong in the first place...).

Anyway, it just reaffirms the fact that you can't teach an old dog new tricks and that I am doing the right thing. Not that I was questioning it anyway. Thanks ex-wife for contacting me (apparently she also knows about the blog). I genuinely appreciate it.

Something else I want to briefly touch on is that I've received a little bit of flack over the last couple of months about writing this blog. People saying that I should rather keep this private etc.

I've certainly had my moments where I've thought the same thing, but then I've also had so many emails and comments of positive support and from people who've been in similar situations and got through the other side or women who are still in these situations and wish they had the guts to do what I'm doing now.

So, to those of you who don't agree with this, if you don't like it, then don't read it. As it turns out, I'm getting what I need out of this and the fact that people have been spreading the word about it for whatever their reason means that I'm striking a chord with someone out there.

I'm always open to comments about what I have to say and I can deal with negative ones too as long as they're fair, but once again, it is your choice what you read. I also have a sneaky suspicion that some of STBEH's family members are reading this for which I'm grateful, because at this point in time you're only getting one side of the story and I can honestly say that I'm not even telling all on here.

Madge

Tuesday Schmooze-day

I'm having one of those 'blah' days and almost didn't post today, simply coz I couldn't be bothered. "Pray-tell", you may ask, "Madge, what on earth could be the matter?"

What is the matter? Well, to be honest, I'm starting to get truly fed up with this whole business of getting divorced. I'm not a games player by any means. I don't play hard-to-get, I don't do mind games and I don't like messing people around. If I say 'yes', then it's 'YES', if I say 'I don't love you any more and want to get divorced' I f*cking mean it! (Sorry, was that a bit strong...?)

I think what's annoying me most of all is how STBEH is so unpredictable and, even worse, sly. I honestly don't know what he has up his sleeve from one minute to the next, especially given his recent track record, but it's starting to wear extremely thin.

Now he doesn't want to discuss what he's decided with his lawyer's advice from this morning, so apparently I have to 'wait and see'. F*ck this shit! Why do I always try and do things in the nicest possible way. I can hear you think that getting divorced isn't nice either way, but there are nice and decent ways of doing things and the other option is to be a total bitch.

STBEH might tell you that I'm a bitch anyway, but I've really gone out of my way to try and do this in the MOST amicable way possible and where has this got me? Absolutely NOWHERE! He apparently thinks that if he had more time, he'd prove that he's changed and that we're meant to be together, however, the more of these little tricks he pulls, the less I respect him and they're tallying up pretty damn fast.

I'm also starting to believe he'll be doing me a HELLUVA favor if he just pisses off back to the UK and lets me get on with my life as he's been threatening to do. I honestly couldn't give a rats arse! It will be sad for the kids to grow up without their dad around, but he's made it clear he doesn't want to be a 'part-time dad' again (he got divorced from his first wife when their daughter was 18 months old - oh yeah, did I mention his first wife had an affair...? Was she perhaps pushed to that point?).

Bon Voyage!
Madge

PS: Until now I don't think I've been nasty at all, but I'm afraid I'm getting to a point where the boxing gloves are being laced up, because nice simply isn't cutting it anymore.

Spending time with good friends

My weekend was fairly eventful in many ways. After Friday's Food and Wine fun at the CTICC, I was feeling slightly irritable on Saturday morning, especially since STBEH gave me a hard time because my Mom didn't come in to say hi to him and then proceeded to tell me how unsupportive my family was towards him. Funny thing is, I haven't really had much support from his family, although they did offer it, I feel it is only fair that they support him. But, of course, that doesn't get noticed...

Anyway, on Saturday evening I had the Hedge Fund Manager and her husband with their kids around for dinner and though it was lovely to see them (as always) the evening was somewhat marred by STBEH's mood swing, which is was later told was because we were speaking Afrikaans and he didn't understand. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I've decided not to invite any more people over to Wisteria Lane because I just can't tell what's going to happen next.

Funny thing is, STBEH is going to read this post and probably be in a shitty mood to me about this too. I simply can't win either way, but as I've said before, this is my blog and my emotional outlet, so if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!! To be honest, there's not a lot I do these days that doesn't set him off, so what's the difference anyway?

On Sunday we went to my other close friend, The Golf Estate Mommy (GEM), as the house was on show for the afternoon, so we had such a good catch up and natter about all kinds of things.

Over and above all of this I'm desperately trying to get rid of a tension headache that simply doesn't want to subside and it's driving me up the wall. Just to make matters worse, Miss Muffet has been having a few bad nights. I'm not sure whether it's teeth or just bad dreams, but waking up 3-4 times a night doesn't help, especially when you can't fall asleep again due to a banging headache!

Lastly, please focus all your positive energies on STBEH signing off the consent letter in the next day or so, so I can move things along to the next level. He doesn't understand why I so desperately want to move this forward when the house is still not sold, but I simply want to get on with my life and at least if the actual divorce process is out of the way, I'll be able to do this to some extent.

I hope you all have a great week!

Madge x