Taking strain

I'm back at Wisteria Lane for my last little stretch until I move on to better things. Only four more nights here until I depart for a week long trip to London, which I'm very excited about. I've got a fantastic time lined up, meeting up with friends and simply can't wait!

I had a fabulous weekend with SD and Miss T (his daughter). It was fairly busy, yet in a chilled way. Stayed in on Friday night and watched the movie, Bruno. Ummm... interesting...

On Saturday we went to the beach for a bit, visited Mom and I accompanied a friend to a Hawaiian party in the evening.

Today was very relaxed. Went to the gym for a swim, dropped by the annual Toy Run festivities at Maynardville where there were thousands of bikers and I'm sure that many children will get some lovely presents this Xmas thanks to everyone who participated and donated on this day. Finally we had a lovely lunch at Bloemendal Wynhuis before returning to WL.

Even though I always tend to get a little tense come late Sunday afternoons as I know that the time approaches to head back for another week of "What could happen next?", today was somewhat different as it was the last time.

I got back and the kids weren't home. I really missed them all weekend and was a little disappointed, but it's ok, I just unpacked my things and they got home soon enough. It then emerged that they'd spent the afternoon with people I'd befriended through PC's previous play school. I'd often made the effort to ring them up and keep in touch with this particular couple, but I recently had a suspicion that EH had contacted them (most likely because the husband was a potential work contact).

I don't have a problem with EH contacting them, but what I do have a problem with is what he's been saying. Obviously his favorite little 'affair' rumor would be one issue, but I can't help but think that much more has been said for them to have the reaction that they've had.

Last weekend I saw this couple at a kids party and they were VERY distant. Previously the woman was very friendly with me and we got on very well. That weekend it practically pained her to even greet me and I was avoided like the plague for the duration of the party. I soon caught on and when SD reported getting sideways glances from her it pissed me off somewhat.

As I said, I don't mind who EH befriends, but what annoys me is that he's obviously saying pretty nasty stuff about me to make someone turn so harshly, so knowing that they'd all spent the afternoon together really ticked me off.

Fortunately for me, I've got no shortage of friends and even more fortunate, they weren't close. In a way I'm glad EH is making the effort to make friends, in particular with people who've got small kids, so he's at least getting out and socialising in an environment that's fun for my kids too, I simply just don't appreciate his nasty lies to these (and other) people. Mind you, if they want to believe these lies, then I suppose that says a lot about them too!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a busy week. I need to sort through the final split of stuff and get that finalised for packing, on Tuesday I've got a busy day researching my next story for the online wine mag and in the evening I'm attending and reporting on a photo shoot for an annual photo competition called Wine Laid Bare. Check out their Facebook page here. This is the promotional shoot for their 2010 campaign and it's most certainly going to be an interesting evening, so I'm really looking forward to it and it's all in aid of Breast Cancer, so I'll keep you all up to date with this one as it develops.

Then on Thursday I'm off to the Big Smoke for a week! Yay! So, without any further ado, have a good one.

Madge

Should I or shouldn't I?

This time it' not about me, but rather others out there who are in a similar position as to the one I was in about a year ago. There are some people who I've had contact with in the last couple of weeks who are in crappy marriages.

Loveless, disrespectful, sexless and abusive unions where one or the other party is too scared to move on due to various reasons. One not wanting to give up the perfect family, the perfect home in the perfect village, except she's so deeply unhappy and has decided that retail therapy would be money better spent than wasting it on unsuccessful visits to a marriage counselor (which has already run into over a 5-figure sum in R's).

The other where the wife is so insanely jealous of her husband, constantly accusing him of having an affair and picking on him for whatever reason she can find. He, on the other hand, simply can't bear the thought of being 'alone' again.

A third whose husband is ruled by the bottle and every now and again gets a smack along with the regular emotional abuse of being told how fat, ugly, useless and what a waste of space she is. Again, the 'perfect' life, driving a german sedan, a large house and exotic holidays taking precedence over the fact that she's half the person she used to be, lacks confidence and is in an emotional rut.

There are countless people out there in similar positions to these people. Men and women trapped in unhappy relationships, who simply can't face taking the step of ending things.

I know that these people read TITL and though I hope you're not upset about my using you as examples, I just want to say to all of you that I know how you feel. I was once there before. Deciding to leave a life-partner isn't an easy one. For some of us it's simply not an option. Please just know that there will always be people around you who will support you, whatever your decision. Keep your friends and family close and if you decide to stay, then do it for the RIGHT reasons.

If you've got kids, do what's right for them AND for you, because they will soon grow up, leave the house and then you're stuck, having potentially wasted the best years of your life. Also remember that a happy parent and healthy home atmosphere, makes for happy children.

It is also a known fact that it gets harder and harder to leave someone the older you get. Financially you get very settled and one's confidence to go out on the dating scene starts to wane with age.

I'm not saying these marriages can't be saved. I'm all for saving something if there's a chance of things working out.

In short, all I want to say is that I'm thinking of you and hope that everything works out for you all. Stay strong.

Madge

The small stuff

So, I broached the subject to EH with regards to splitting all of the smaller household items such as crockery, towels, etc. He said to me: "I hope you're going to be fair with this stuff." WTF?!?!?!

Those who know will tell you that I've been incredibly fair with everything from the divorce settlement to the large furniture and appliances and car. When I pointed this out to him he basically snorted at me.

Then he said that he will be ordering a new mirror with exactly the same dimensions as the one I'd had made for the main bedroom three years ago. This is a beautiful large mirror in a custom made frame and the only thing I requested from the main bedroom. I asked him why he doesn't just give me the old one and order his own new version. His reply? "I just want to keep one room complete and not have it devastated due to your antics."

Oh FFS, my antics?! Wake up and take some responsibility for what happened, you nob. It's starting to sink in that this man will forever blame me and the so-called 'affair' I had months after I initiated this divorce. Like with his first marriage, he will tell all the people around him that I had an affair, conveniently omitting the fact that I'd already started divorce proceedings before I went into anything and therefore I will always be the bitch.

For this reason, he will always feel sorry for himself. Now I realise that he is a typical case of someone with "Poor-little-old-me-syndrome". Someone who fucks up time upon time, but doesn't see that it was their own fuck-up, so instead blames the other people involved.

"I was fired and I don't understand why. They must have been jealous." or "She had affairs, even while we were engaged. She said that she wanted to buy a horse with this man." (the ex-ex-wife) and what about "Why does everyone always try to take me for a ride. Even my own brothers shafting me out of a business." I wonder why???

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking responsibility for your actions, or lack of! What pisses me off is that I still have these moments when I feel sorry for him. There are still times when I cry for what could have been or just in general get upset because of all the hurt of the past year. Get a grip, Madge! You're better off without him!

Madge

Getting things done

I'm now counting down my days at Wisteria Lane and with only 9 sleeps until I'm out, it's both exciting and very sad. I first have a little trip to London planned for a week (leaving on the 3rd of December) and then moving into the new place upon my return.

The past weekend was really lovely. The new BF, hereafter referred to as SD (Saturation Diver), got back from his last job last week and we spent the weekend together along with my kids and his lovely daughter and it was really nice.

This week I'm sorting out a lot of stuff for the move. Going through what I'm going to take and what I'm going to leave. It's all a bit tedious as it's not as simple as just packing everything up from one end to the other. Obviously I'll be leaving some toys for the kids to play with when they're visiting EH and it's things like splitting crockery, etc.

Anyway, I need to get on with things, so ta-ra!

Madge

The airport

I had to make a couple of trips to the airport this week and at one point, while sitting there having a coffee, I was struck by a memory.

A memory of all of the times I drove EH to the airport when he travelled to the UK for work. I remembered the sadness I felt on the times when I dropped him off, not knowing when I'd be seeing him again, but also knowing that this was what had to be done.

I knew it wasn't easy for him. Leaving his home, his kids, his wife.

I remembered the times when I was so excited to pick him up. To see him again, for him to see his kids.

I also remembered the last time I dropped him off at the airport. On the 24th of January this year. I remember driving there and knowing in the back of my mind that things would never be the same again. I wasn't sad to say goodbye. Instead, I was relieved that he was leaving.

Relieved that I could have some peace. Some space to get my head around what was lying ahead of me. To finally make up my mind about what I wanted and needed to do with my life. I knew it was over.

I'm actually sitting here and crying as I type this. I still have moments when I'm so overwhelmed by sadness at what has happened. And the memories that returned to me this week at the airport have reminded me yet again of what was and what could have been if only he'd tried. But I wasn't worth it...

Madge

Go lurgy, go!

This stupid coldy fluiness seems to finally be going although I still sound pretty yuk. The sun is shining and actually, life isn't quite that bad!

Actually there's something I'd like to note. I know I've been airing a lot of dirty washing on here and it can seem like a very one-sided story, however it's worth mentioning that there is so much that goes unsaid on here. Lots of shit that happens that I can't add because of what it could implicate in turn.

It might also look as if I'm constantly critisizing EH for his behaviour and things he does or says, but please also know that the same is happening from his side. Even though he's not expressing his thoughts and feelings in blog format, he's happily telling all and sundry his side (albeit a very skewed version). These stories have a way of making it back to me and I am well aware of his opinions of what I get up to on my weekends away or my notorious 'affair'.

So, now I've cleared that one up, I thought it worth sharing a funny:

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc?...I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin, in every way".

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts.

She says, "You're the first... no one has EVER touched these."

He immediately drops his pants and replies…

Look at this,...still in the CRATE!"

Madge

Now it's groceries!

I was happily minding my own business, when the voice of gloom (EH) comes from the kitchen: "It's your turn to buy groceries". It would seem that he missed the full fridge last week. He'd never notice all of the washing powder, bleach, cleaning goodies and the nappies I bought that was on his list from three weeks ago, that he very conveniently forgot to buy along with a couple of other more expensive items or any other everyday items such as meat and veg...

The deal is we take turns to buy groceries. I gave him a list three weeks ago, which he only got round to buying the following weekend without checking what additional items might have been added to a new list on the fridge in the five days since he was given a list.

So, last week was my turn again and I went out and bought all of the things on the list (now 2 weeks old) along with other extras. I had to buy nappies along the way too as we'd run out.

The more I kept telling this idiot that it was in fact his turn, the more he insisted it was mine! I honestly cannot believe his insolent and abhorrent behaviour... Mind you, actually I can.

To make matters worse, I find out from a neighbor that Prince Charming knocked on their door yesterday at roughly 10:00 - this on a Sunday morning. They don't have a problem with PC playing there as they enjoy him a lot and he's no trouble, however, it turns out that he was left to play there for the ENTIRE day and only went home after 17:00 when they asked him to. At no stage during this day did EH pop over to check that PC was indeed there still, that he was ok, that they were ok having him all of this time or even to come home for lunch! He obviously just accepted that these people would feed and water his child.

And then I'm the one being told I'm a bad mother. I'm the one who gets slagged off left right and centre because I apparently only party all the time and have affairs. Thankfully I'm not going to be in this house for much longer and neither are my children. Unfortunately for now I have to hand my children over to this man every second weekend, but I'm quite grateful for this kind of behaviour as he's practically handing me the sole custody on a silver platter! Mind you, maybe that's what he wants. Your wish is my command!

Madge