Every day brings something new

From a challenge, to a laugh or a lesson, that's how my days seem to be going right now. The whole divorce situation has made me learn so much about myself and about life that I'm a much bigger and stronger person already and I know there's so much more to come.

I have my days where I feel weak and fragile, but that's normal too. Other days I'm just totally overwhelmed by myself and others.

This week I've been faced with more challenges, mainly exciting ones and am trying to deal with them one step at a time. There are massive decisions that need to be made and they impact on everyone around me.

Meeting new people and doing new and fun things has made me realise how much I've lost out and become so encased in the life that I had. I'm certainly going to ensure that I make the most out of my life ahead. I'm ready for new challenges and will take more risks (calculated, of course). Bring on the future!

Madge

Rocking Kill Bill

Last night I did the shoot for the new wine E-zine I'm going to be writing for. It was a Kill Bill themed shoot and we had so much fun. I learnt how to do a sabrage (where you chop off the head of a champagne bottle with a sword) and we added a little ninja-style twist to that.

This is Uma Thurman doing her thang in Kill Bill

Of course, we had to open a few bottles of fizz to get the shots, so lots of bubbly was consumed by all. I've already seen some of the pics, but unfortunately they're embargo'd for a little while until the launch of said mag.

Yesterday morning there was yet another incident with STBEH which once again confirmed to me that I'd done the right thing and that he'd never change his thinking to become less selfish and consider the family situation as a whole.

I'm not even going to bore you with the whole story, but basically it involved us both being out. I'd already informed him that I'd be out at that particular time, but nothing was said to me and next minute he also was leaving, thus there not being anyone with the kids.

He stayed in the end, but not after first shouting and swearing at me in front of the kids, telling me that I always wanted things MY way and that I was constantly attacking him and that I've been lying to him about everything over the last six months. I was merely pointing out that there was no-one to stay with the kids and if he'd told me that he also had to go out, I could've arranged for the nanny to be here. It could've all been so very simple.

Anyway, it looks like there might be an option for me to move out of the house in about 8 weeks time if it doesn't sell in the meantime, so let's see what happens.

Madge

Life takes it's turns

I have been so busy of late that I simply hadn't had a chance to write, so here I am now. I had a lovely day on Thursday at The Fiery One's. We celebrated Heritage Day in true South African style with a braai and had a few bottles of vino collapso along with it. Well, I didn't have a few bottles by myself, but between us...

Friday was a busy one too, doing a few things in the day and then going out in Camps Bay for dinner at Blues Restaurant followed by drinks at Caprice.

On Saturday I invited a bunch of ladies over for brunch and a MCC tasting (Methode Cap Classique). I'm starting to write a monthly article for a new wine E-Zine and my first assignment was to do a review on six MCC's.

So, I figured that since I had to open six of them, I'd like to share the experience with some of my favorite girlies and invited Mom, The Fiery One and four other of my close girlfriends. Everyone brought something along and we had an absolute ball.

The E-Zine goes live next month and I'll definitely post a link here for you all to access it. It's run by the same people who do The Wine Show in Jo'burg and is aimed at every day wine drinkers who don't necessarily care about the sugar levels and all that jazz, but just want to know a little more about which nice wines are out there, and obviously a lot more.

Today has been fairly chilled and relaxed and then tomorrow a new week starts all over again...

So, on that note, have a good one!

Madge

The nightmare

I had the most horrible dream and it upset me so much. I dreamt that STBEH's loser-friend was trying to get to me to do something to me (I don't know what) and I kept running away from him.

I eventually ran into my bedroom and locked the door, however the lock had been tampered with and the door wasn't actually locked, so STBEH let him into the house and into my room. I yelled to some kids outside from the window to call the police and this scared Loser off.

I quickly found the kids and took them into my room and just as I was about to close the door STBEH came in and I told him to stay away from me and the kids and he just said, "If I can't have them, then neither can you!", then produced a revolver and shot Prince Charming.

I remember running to my boy as he was lying on the floor looking at me with his gentle green eyes. A pool of blood starting to form under him and he said to me, "Mommy, it's hurting." And then I woke up in a total state.

Fuuuuuuck!! I'm getting all upset again just writing about it.

I know for a fact that STBEH would never do anything to harm any of his kids. He loves them dearly. But why did I have to have this terrible dream? I can only think that it's my emotions playing tricks on me. So very, very upsetting.

Madge

The beautiful midlands

It's been years since I last visited Kwa-Zulu Natal province with all it's tropical splendour and amazing rolling hills, but this weekend reminded me, yet again, what a beautiful country this truly is.

Flying up there on Friday and driving to the stunning Tala Private Game Reserve situated between Durban and Pietermaritzburg also made me realise that I am indeed living in Africa. I think living in a modern city such as Cape Town does have a way of making you forget this fact. Something which was also quite obvious was the fact that there were no fences up anywhere to section off land.

Stayed in the Premier Suite of Paperbark Lodge, which was amazing as you can see...

The La Tala Restaurant was amazing too, with a sumptuous 5-course dinner prepared by their award winning chef and scrummy breakfasts. Their wildlife range is impressive with rhino, giraffe, wildebeest, lots of deer and buck, warthogs, hippos and much more.

My weekend was further kick-started by a phone call from my lawyer to inform me that the settlement papers have finally been signed. Funny that with all the previous milestones I had been quite upset, but after this phone call I merely felt relief. Last week was so horrible at home with things happening and an atmosphere that was severely strained at the very least, that the news had been pretty welcome.

This week she will be applying for a court date and she reckons we could have one as soon as the end of this month or early October! So, it looks like this stage of the journey is almost over. Now the house still needs to go.

I've got a moderately busy week ahead and hope that it holds even more good news in store for me.

Madge

Comment posting and more

To all my readers,

Please do feel free to provide comments on my site, however following a comment from 'dickhead' earlier this week in which a real name was mentioned and there have been subsequent repercussions as I didn't get to delete the post for a few hours after it was made, I've decided it best to rather moderate comments from now on. As always, your views and opinions are very much appreciated.

I'm sure you've also noticed that I've played around with the look and feel of the site as I was getting a bit bored and felt that a change would be a good idea. I've also added a fun little option where you can tick whether you find a particular post funny, interesting or cool. Use it, don't use it, it's there for you. Well... and me, because I can see what you guys think!

Lastly, there's also a little envelope at the bottom of each post. Should you feel that the particular post is relevant to something that a friend might be interested in or you know someone who's experiencing a similar situation, you can click on this to forward that post to your friend by simply filling in their email address. These details will NOT be used for any other purpose and aren't even stored on a database.

Hope you will enjoy the new look and new features.

Madge

Busy but not?!

At this point in my life I feel like there's so much going on, but I'm standing still. I'm busy doing lots of things, yet not doing anything. Very confusing and frustrating. I think it's a case of being in limbo and not knowing what's going to happen when.

I've actually been struggling to write here of late. There's so much to say and so much going on, but not things that I feel I can say on here, because of who reads it and unfortunately some things need to be kept secret for a little while. They're mainly things that have been happening at home and that I've found out about STBEH and what he's been up to, shafting me (nothing new now, in fact I'm getting used to it) and also our kids. Lovely!

I am however looking forward to my weekend VERY much. I'm skipping town for a couple of days and am sure the break from the latest atmosphere will be enough to sort me out again.

Madge

Hmmmm...

LOL! I couldn't think of anything to start today's post with, so 'Hmmmm...' it is.

So, another day in the life of Madge and fortunately a busy one with follow-up appointment at the surgeon and a lunch business meeting. We like!

STBEH is still stomping around the house in a very foul mood. Yes, he's still angry at me for being insensitive and has seemingly forgotten how he burst into my room when I was already sleeping, started shouting and swearing at me, pulling my duvet off and demanding to know whether i was... wait for it... 'having a wank'?!?!?!

Then he proceeded to shove me over rather aggressively when I turned my back on him (in bed) and told him in no uncertain terms to piss off. Taking into consideration that I'd just recently had an operation to my upper body, not a painless thing to have happened and he then couldn't understand why I subsequently told him to "Get the fuck out of my room!"...

So it continues. Last night he yet again undermined my authority with PC when I wanted to put him to bed and said that PC could sleep in his bed. The rule is that kids sleep in their own rooms. This has ALWAYS been the case. What he does with them on the weekends when he has them is up to him, but when I'm around there are certain rules and routines, which should stay.

On top of this he proceeded to call me a range of names... in front of the kids... lovely! It has obviously never been a concern of his to shout or swear at me in front of the kids. Great example.

Madge

How NOT to end a good weekend

And yes, I had a wonderful weekend. It was my weekend with the kids, so I'd planned to do a few things with them. On Friday evening we visited some neighbors who have got a new puppy, called Sasja - very cute.

On Saturday morning we were up early to meet some people at Doodles for rugby over breakfast and what a beautiful game it was! Well done Springboks for taking the Tri-Nations cup. We're proud of you.

Afterwards we went to the beach at Big Bay and then went to The Fiery One's place for the afternoon where the kids even ventured into the freezing pool!

Speaking of The Fiery One, I'm very proud to say that they scooped the top prize in their category at the Michaelangelo awards on Saturday evening. They won the trophy and double gold in the Garagiste category, which is for producers under 10,000 litres and the 'cellar' shouldn't be bigger than a large garage.

We subsequently had a celebratory braai at their place yesterday, which was a lot of fun. Well done Rabbit!

So, a good weekend was had by all, however last night I was yet again subjected to a barrage of STBEH's issues, tears, shouting, swearing and general drama. And all of this simply because I answered the phone to a guy. I'd also like to add that upon answering the phone, I went to my room to continue the conversation, out of earshot and in the attempt to be sensitive. So for four hours I had to deal with this ongoing barrage.

It really pissed me off that I had such a great weekend only to be ended by this kind of thing. Oh well, the best thing is to simply just sit there and take it. He kept telling me how insensitive I was being, however it wasn't insensitive when he never paid any attention to my pleas, requests or concerns. It's STILL all about him. All about what he wants and fuck the rest. How insensitive was he the day he said that he didn't want to see a marriage counselor "because it's not worth it"?! FUCK YOU!

Right, so now that's off my chest, I hope you all have a great week ahead.

Madge

It's Friday and my aim is to keep smiling

After last night's little episode I'm feeling much better this morning. It seems as if STBEH is 'OK'(??), or shall I say he's not in a filthy mood about the summons, which helps. I suppose he knew it was coming, so it couldn't have been a big surprise.

Reality is, that it had to come at some point, but I suppose it just brought it all home again.

Anyway, at least the sun will be shining for the next couple of days, which always makes one feel so much better.

I'm planning on taking the kids to the beach tomorrow for a little play and will be going to The Fiery One's house on Saturday afternoon and probably stay the night there. Then on Sunday I'm having a show-house again, so will probably look at doing something with the kids then too. Maybe go to the aquarium with them or perhaps even take them to see the new Pixar movie, UP, which is said to be excellent!

So, on that note I'll sign off and wish you all a great weekend and least I not forget, may the Springboks whip some serious All Black arse!! Go Bokke!!

Madge

Is this the beginning of the end?

Well, I haven't been in the mood to write for a couple of days. Let's just say I've had a crappy week. Firstly I've got this really odd cold that's making me feel somewhat under the weather and also I'm a bit hormonal, which of course doesn't help.

On top of that there was a misunderstanding on a job I did for a client and this has upset me a bit too.

So, a short while ago the sheriff of the courts turned up to deliver the summons to STBEH and that just finally pushed me over the edge.

As I'm sitting here I'm going from feelings of deepest sorrow to extreme anger. Angry because he didn't try when it mattered and sadness because I never really wanted this and all of this could so easily have been avoided if he just paid a little bit of attention to me when I told him that I was unhappy and him just being even slightly less self centred to consider my most basic needs of love, affection, understanding and being a genuine partner in the marriage.

I feel so sorry for STBEH. I know this is devastating for him... as it is for me too...

Anyway, I'm going to leave it at that as I'm suddenly at a loss for words.

Madge

What to think?

Today I have my 1-week checkup with the surgeon and am really excited. Mainly to get the damn plasters off, because that means I can have a proper shower. Yay!

So, the atmosphere at home is pretty good again. For now anyway. STBEH told me yesterday that he will be signing the settlement agreement because "I want you to be happy". Now, what that means is anyone's guess and to be honest I'm not going to believe it until I see it.

The reality is, he definitely believes that a third party was the reason for this divorce and to be honest, I actually can't be bothered. As I said before, the people who matter know the truth and, most importantly, so do I. If it makes him feel better about it to think that it was my fault, then so be it.

Ironically, the person who I was pictured with, although being a nice guy, isn't someone I see myself with long-term and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. But, as I said, he'll believe this, no matter what simply so as to not have to believe that the bulk of the fault lay with him.

What I definitely do want to mention is that I'm really pleased with the way he handled spending the last 6 days on his own with the kids. I think it was a good exercise anyway for bonding purposes. Since all this has started he's tried to make more of an effort to bond with Miss Muffet, who he didn't have much interest in before and I'm really pleased about that. She's also much happier and a lot less clingy to me because of it.

On a very different note, I'm very excited that The Fiery One's husband's (let's call him 'Rabbit' since I've never mentioned him on here before) Shiraz has won a very coveted Michaelangelo award. We don't know which one yet, so I'll let you know after the award ceremony, which is taking place on Saturday evening.

So, let's see what the rest of this week holds in store for us all and let's hope the sun comes back soon!!

Madge

I'm baaaaack!

Yes, the 'New and Improved' version of me is back and glad to be so! The op went swimmingly and the pain worth it. As I mentioned in my last post, I stayed with Mom until this morning and was thoroughly spoilt and nursed back to a fairly decent state. I've still got a fair bit of pain, but every day gets a little bit better.

I must admit, it will be nice sleeping in my own bed again and it's great being back with the kids, who I missed terribly.

There's a lot I'd like to share with you and will definitely do so throughout the week, but I thought I'd take this opportunity to clear up something with regards to my previous, and seemingly very controversial, post.

Firstly, I'd like to say that I don't really have to make any excuses to anyone with regards to the decisions I make. If you knew me, you'd know that I'm extremely responsible when it comes to money and that I very rarely spend money on myself. My children come first and I make all financial decisions after taking them and their needs into consideration.

However, when I was told that I could have the money, by a certain beneficiary, but only on the basis that the money gets spent on the operation I've been dying to have for several years, I jumped at the opportunity.

So, no, I didn't spend money that could've been spent on renting something for myself and the kids and the suggestion to pay for STBEH to live somewhere else was simply ridiculous!!

And, here I am today, with a beautiful set of boobies and I'm very happy and very proud, so thanks to my kind beneficiary for this. Mwah!

Madge

The BIG day has arrived!

Well, the day that I've been waiting for for years has finally arrived and I can almost not believe it.

So, it is officially Spring Day here in South Africa, the sun is trying to shine in Cape Town, I'm finalising a few things as I won't be online for a few days as I'll be staying with Mom until at least Sunday and she doesn't have internet access, although I might try to get to an internet cafe near her home later in the week.

OK, without any further delay... *drum roll* I'm finally having a long-awaited boob-job!

Yes, unfortunately I was fairly small-breasted to begin with, but after breastfeeding two rather greedy babies, I've ended up being totally flat-chested and today is the day that all of that comes to an end.

A new season, a new life and a lovely set of boobs to accompany this! All I'm going for is the proverbial handful, so nothing huge, just very natural and feminine.

The Fiery One is picking me up at 11:30 and taking me to the hospital but my theatre time is only at 17:30, so it's still going to be a long wait today. I've had a HUGE breakfast and can still drink fluids for another hour. Then tomorrow Mom will be taking me home to give me all the TLC only a Mom can give. It will also help to be away from the kids, because I won't be able to pick them up for a little while, so at least I'll be able to recover without the stress of trying to explain to them why Mommy is hurting and in particular to Miss Muffet, why I can't pick her up.

I did tell Prince Charming last night that I was going to hospital to have an operation and that I wouldn't be around for a few days, so needless to say, I dropped him off at school this morning and he proceeds to tell his little friend that the doctor is going to 'cut Mommy's boobies'!! I nearly fell over I laughed so much.

So, cherio from me, when I come back I will be bigger and better!

Madge x