Merry Christmas

OK, it's been weeks since my last post and although I've by no means been short on news, I've just been either too busy, not had internet connection or simply didn't know where to start, so I'm taking Xmas as the guide for writing and saying howdy!

Firstly, merry Christmas to all of you out there. I hope you've all had an awesome day and that your tummies are full and your heads slightly spinning... Shit, maybe that only happens if you spend Christmas day lunching on a wine farm.

Anyway, a quick catchup for y'all:

London - Had a great time catching up with friends. Fortunately I missed the really cold weather and snow and overall had a good time. Unfortunately the trip was somewhat marred by the fact that I had the big move on my mind and was very worried about what I was going to come back to in terms of EH making matters difficult for me.

On top of that, SD had to travel back to the Middle East for work, which in turn left me to move both my stuff out of Wisteria Lane and his stuff into the new place, which I will now refer to as Winelands Place (It really does make sense if you know the address...).

So, got back on the Monday and moved on the same day and the following day too. It was totally crazy. In between I 'celebrated' my birthday, although I have to admit it wasn't exactly the best birthday I've ever had, but could've been much worse - I could've been in Wisteria Lane...

It took me a few days to move in and settle down and get back online and then on the Friday I was mad enough to host a braai for about 24 people!! Was nice though, albeit a bit manic.

The last few days have been a bit more chilled. I've been settling into the house a bit, putting things in their place and making it a home for us.

So, the kidlets are doing well. PC is a totally different child. Basically he's his old self again. Loving, kind, sweet, funny and cheeky! He'd become so very withdrawn over the past 2-3 months that it's wonderful seeing him as the boy I know.

MM is her usual self and I'm just pleased that this whole ordeal hasn't had too major an effect on her.

As for EH, there's been a lot of dramas in the past weeks and I just can't be bothered to share all, but you can be assured that he's most certainly going to be giving me a lot more material to write about if he carries on in the same manner as he has done up until now.

Phew, now I've broken the ice again, I'll be back with regular installments of TITL as life goes on.

Madge xx

My last night at Wisteria Lane

Wow, it's been a long stretch. Many months of dramas, heartache and whatever have you not. I've been officially divorced for almost two months and finally the time has come for me to leave Wisteria Lane.

I've said goodbye to my friends here, who I'll miss dearly. We even opened a bottle of bubbly this afternoon to toast the future. Of course, there are others here who I won't be missing one single bit, but I'm very excited about what the future holds.

Tomorrow is The Fiery One's birthday and she's taken the day off, so we're going out to lunch at one of the local wine farms. Then tomorrow evening it's off to London, which I believe is very cold and wet - surprise, surprise...

I'm looking forward to catching up with all of my friends and perhaps fitting in a spot of Xmas shopping along the way.

Then, as soon as I return back to SA at the end of next week, I move into the new house!! It's all very exciting, although I must admit that it's been really tough putting things aside and deciding what to take and what to leave in a way that's fair to both myself and EH.

He's obsessing about everything and is making me out to be taking everything and leaving him nothing, which is absolute nonsense. He's going out of his way to try and rile and upset me by making silly statements and aggressive comments, but then turning it around to say that I was the one who was being aggressive. Nob.

So, on that note, I reckon the next time I'll be writing from the UK, so I'll keep you posted on my little adventure.

In the spirit of my little trip, I thought I'd share this:
A Scotsman, an Englishman, and an Irishman were drinking together in McSorley's Bar in New York City and having a great St. Patrick's Day.

"Y'know", said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink for you."

"Well", said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two!"

"Ahhhrr, that's nothing", said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs to see that you get laid. All on the House."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims but he swears every word is true.

"Wow!" said the Englishman, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no" said the Irishman, "But it did happen to me Sister.”

Madge

Taking strain

I'm back at Wisteria Lane for my last little stretch until I move on to better things. Only four more nights here until I depart for a week long trip to London, which I'm very excited about. I've got a fantastic time lined up, meeting up with friends and simply can't wait!

I had a fabulous weekend with SD and Miss T (his daughter). It was fairly busy, yet in a chilled way. Stayed in on Friday night and watched the movie, Bruno. Ummm... interesting...

On Saturday we went to the beach for a bit, visited Mom and I accompanied a friend to a Hawaiian party in the evening.

Today was very relaxed. Went to the gym for a swim, dropped by the annual Toy Run festivities at Maynardville where there were thousands of bikers and I'm sure that many children will get some lovely presents this Xmas thanks to everyone who participated and donated on this day. Finally we had a lovely lunch at Bloemendal Wynhuis before returning to WL.

Even though I always tend to get a little tense come late Sunday afternoons as I know that the time approaches to head back for another week of "What could happen next?", today was somewhat different as it was the last time.

I got back and the kids weren't home. I really missed them all weekend and was a little disappointed, but it's ok, I just unpacked my things and they got home soon enough. It then emerged that they'd spent the afternoon with people I'd befriended through PC's previous play school. I'd often made the effort to ring them up and keep in touch with this particular couple, but I recently had a suspicion that EH had contacted them (most likely because the husband was a potential work contact).

I don't have a problem with EH contacting them, but what I do have a problem with is what he's been saying. Obviously his favorite little 'affair' rumor would be one issue, but I can't help but think that much more has been said for them to have the reaction that they've had.

Last weekend I saw this couple at a kids party and they were VERY distant. Previously the woman was very friendly with me and we got on very well. That weekend it practically pained her to even greet me and I was avoided like the plague for the duration of the party. I soon caught on and when SD reported getting sideways glances from her it pissed me off somewhat.

As I said, I don't mind who EH befriends, but what annoys me is that he's obviously saying pretty nasty stuff about me to make someone turn so harshly, so knowing that they'd all spent the afternoon together really ticked me off.

Fortunately for me, I've got no shortage of friends and even more fortunate, they weren't close. In a way I'm glad EH is making the effort to make friends, in particular with people who've got small kids, so he's at least getting out and socialising in an environment that's fun for my kids too, I simply just don't appreciate his nasty lies to these (and other) people. Mind you, if they want to believe these lies, then I suppose that says a lot about them too!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a busy week. I need to sort through the final split of stuff and get that finalised for packing, on Tuesday I've got a busy day researching my next story for the online wine mag and in the evening I'm attending and reporting on a photo shoot for an annual photo competition called Wine Laid Bare. Check out their Facebook page here. This is the promotional shoot for their 2010 campaign and it's most certainly going to be an interesting evening, so I'm really looking forward to it and it's all in aid of Breast Cancer, so I'll keep you all up to date with this one as it develops.

Then on Thursday I'm off to the Big Smoke for a week! Yay! So, without any further ado, have a good one.

Madge

Should I or shouldn't I?

This time it' not about me, but rather others out there who are in a similar position as to the one I was in about a year ago. There are some people who I've had contact with in the last couple of weeks who are in crappy marriages.

Loveless, disrespectful, sexless and abusive unions where one or the other party is too scared to move on due to various reasons. One not wanting to give up the perfect family, the perfect home in the perfect village, except she's so deeply unhappy and has decided that retail therapy would be money better spent than wasting it on unsuccessful visits to a marriage counselor (which has already run into over a 5-figure sum in R's).

The other where the wife is so insanely jealous of her husband, constantly accusing him of having an affair and picking on him for whatever reason she can find. He, on the other hand, simply can't bear the thought of being 'alone' again.

A third whose husband is ruled by the bottle and every now and again gets a smack along with the regular emotional abuse of being told how fat, ugly, useless and what a waste of space she is. Again, the 'perfect' life, driving a german sedan, a large house and exotic holidays taking precedence over the fact that she's half the person she used to be, lacks confidence and is in an emotional rut.

There are countless people out there in similar positions to these people. Men and women trapped in unhappy relationships, who simply can't face taking the step of ending things.

I know that these people read TITL and though I hope you're not upset about my using you as examples, I just want to say to all of you that I know how you feel. I was once there before. Deciding to leave a life-partner isn't an easy one. For some of us it's simply not an option. Please just know that there will always be people around you who will support you, whatever your decision. Keep your friends and family close and if you decide to stay, then do it for the RIGHT reasons.

If you've got kids, do what's right for them AND for you, because they will soon grow up, leave the house and then you're stuck, having potentially wasted the best years of your life. Also remember that a happy parent and healthy home atmosphere, makes for happy children.

It is also a known fact that it gets harder and harder to leave someone the older you get. Financially you get very settled and one's confidence to go out on the dating scene starts to wane with age.

I'm not saying these marriages can't be saved. I'm all for saving something if there's a chance of things working out.

In short, all I want to say is that I'm thinking of you and hope that everything works out for you all. Stay strong.

Madge

The small stuff

So, I broached the subject to EH with regards to splitting all of the smaller household items such as crockery, towels, etc. He said to me: "I hope you're going to be fair with this stuff." WTF?!?!?!

Those who know will tell you that I've been incredibly fair with everything from the divorce settlement to the large furniture and appliances and car. When I pointed this out to him he basically snorted at me.

Then he said that he will be ordering a new mirror with exactly the same dimensions as the one I'd had made for the main bedroom three years ago. This is a beautiful large mirror in a custom made frame and the only thing I requested from the main bedroom. I asked him why he doesn't just give me the old one and order his own new version. His reply? "I just want to keep one room complete and not have it devastated due to your antics."

Oh FFS, my antics?! Wake up and take some responsibility for what happened, you nob. It's starting to sink in that this man will forever blame me and the so-called 'affair' I had months after I initiated this divorce. Like with his first marriage, he will tell all the people around him that I had an affair, conveniently omitting the fact that I'd already started divorce proceedings before I went into anything and therefore I will always be the bitch.

For this reason, he will always feel sorry for himself. Now I realise that he is a typical case of someone with "Poor-little-old-me-syndrome". Someone who fucks up time upon time, but doesn't see that it was their own fuck-up, so instead blames the other people involved.

"I was fired and I don't understand why. They must have been jealous." or "She had affairs, even while we were engaged. She said that she wanted to buy a horse with this man." (the ex-ex-wife) and what about "Why does everyone always try to take me for a ride. Even my own brothers shafting me out of a business." I wonder why???

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking responsibility for your actions, or lack of! What pisses me off is that I still have these moments when I feel sorry for him. There are still times when I cry for what could have been or just in general get upset because of all the hurt of the past year. Get a grip, Madge! You're better off without him!

Madge

Getting things done

I'm now counting down my days at Wisteria Lane and with only 9 sleeps until I'm out, it's both exciting and very sad. I first have a little trip to London planned for a week (leaving on the 3rd of December) and then moving into the new place upon my return.

The past weekend was really lovely. The new BF, hereafter referred to as SD (Saturation Diver), got back from his last job last week and we spent the weekend together along with my kids and his lovely daughter and it was really nice.

This week I'm sorting out a lot of stuff for the move. Going through what I'm going to take and what I'm going to leave. It's all a bit tedious as it's not as simple as just packing everything up from one end to the other. Obviously I'll be leaving some toys for the kids to play with when they're visiting EH and it's things like splitting crockery, etc.

Anyway, I need to get on with things, so ta-ra!

Madge

The airport

I had to make a couple of trips to the airport this week and at one point, while sitting there having a coffee, I was struck by a memory.

A memory of all of the times I drove EH to the airport when he travelled to the UK for work. I remembered the sadness I felt on the times when I dropped him off, not knowing when I'd be seeing him again, but also knowing that this was what had to be done.

I knew it wasn't easy for him. Leaving his home, his kids, his wife.

I remembered the times when I was so excited to pick him up. To see him again, for him to see his kids.

I also remembered the last time I dropped him off at the airport. On the 24th of January this year. I remember driving there and knowing in the back of my mind that things would never be the same again. I wasn't sad to say goodbye. Instead, I was relieved that he was leaving.

Relieved that I could have some peace. Some space to get my head around what was lying ahead of me. To finally make up my mind about what I wanted and needed to do with my life. I knew it was over.

I'm actually sitting here and crying as I type this. I still have moments when I'm so overwhelmed by sadness at what has happened. And the memories that returned to me this week at the airport have reminded me yet again of what was and what could have been if only he'd tried. But I wasn't worth it...

Madge